Clouds

He lay on his back watching the clouds pass by. He had no thoughts in his head, just observing nature. The song still echoed inside. He could feel it start in his toes, vibrate up his legs, shake through his gut, burn out his lungs, and escape through his throat in the form of a simple sigh.

Amazing that such passion inside could be reduced to something as simple as a sigh. The clouds seem to take momentary shapes. He wondered if this was the life he was meant to lead. He lay there on his back and thought of all the people in his life that had come and gone, people loved and lost.


And still the clouds drifted by.


Thoughts echoed in his head, thoughts of days past, thoughts of future plans. How much could one expect of life? People always told him to make himself happy. But he no longer knew what that was. He was lost in sea of uncertainty and confusion. If he listened to what people told him, he would have had a completely different life.

He had always been this way. Independent, intelligent, wanting to make his own mistakes and learn from them. His had been a life of personal growth. A life filled with questions. But the answers were so few and far between.


He turned his head and looked at the trees on his right. Mother Nature paid humankind no attention. She was going to do what she wanted to do, and there was not much you could do about it. And that was the way of life. It happened every second of the day, and there was no stopping it.

Looking back to the clouds, he could feel the wind pick up. Rippling across his skin, the coolness brought a slight shiver to his body. It was an unnaturally cool wind for this time of year. Mother Nature was taking matters into her own hand. The world as we know it will soon end. That he had no doubt in.

So many choices in life. So many questions, and yet how was one to supposed to find happiness? No amount of wishing could change what was. No amount of hope can affect the future. People's lives were not always their own to control. Some people became extremely lucky in having the ability to have complete freedom. But as with everything, it came with a price. Every decision in one's life came with a price.


It was so ironic. There were days when he was sure that Fate hated him, or God, or whatever you believed in. His heart wasn't his to control, his desires never faded. Yet that which he wanted, he would never be able to have. And no amount of wishing or anything could change what was.

And still the clouds passed, serving a reminder that no matter the problems he had in his life, no once cared. Everyone had their problems and most were just as oblivious to someone else's as the clouds were to his. It was easy to tell someone else how they should live their life, and a lot harder to live one's own.

The clouds were colored pink and blue and orange by the setting sun. He could see the full moon rising high and proud. Sometimes it was just a matter of time. Like the fullness of the moon. Sometimes you had to wait for the right time. Maybe today wasn't that day. But then, maybe there would never be a day.

He had given his heart, against his desires. He had promised himself never to allow another within his walls. He had come to the decision to build up his walls and exit stage right from humanity. It was easy to be alone. You just do it. You find things to keep you busy. He had been there before, he knew what it took to survive. But he had met someone so fabulous, and without being aware of what was happening, he had fallen so hard. Choices made could not be undone. The cloud blown past can never come back.

He knew it was time to go. He had things to do, places to see, but here he lay watching the clouds thinking of all the choices he had made to get to this point. How each seemingly insignificant choice bought yet another choice, and then another choice and on and on, a never ending cycle.


And still the clouds just passed on by.