"I told you this would happen. I told you she couldn't be trusted. I told you this was a mistake." The Voice droned on and on. He tried his best to ignore it without appearing so. He hated it when the Voice was right. The Voice just lorded it over him.
He kept his face blank and his head down, focusing upon the labor at hand. He reached his hand out and picked up the brick. It was heavy in his hand, the grit coarse beneath his calloused fingertips. These hands had once been so gentle, so tender, loving. Now, they were the coarse veneer of the laboring man, his nails broken and brittle, the skin darkened and rough.
He laid the brick on the mortar. It was a special mortar made with special ingredients, and designed to hold forever. The tears of a life unfulfilled made this mortar possible. He wasted not a single drop.
His knees hurt from the long time he had been kneeling. He had a long way to go before he reached a level where he could stand, so he was forced to endure the pain. It was just another level of absolution, the pain brought him torture for the sins he had committed.
"CRACK!!!!" The whip cracked inches from his already scarred back. It was evident that this wasn't the first time that he had gotten lost in thought. He had to work and think. He couldn't rest. That was part of the punishment, his absolution.
The wall had taken a long time to build. He wanted to make sure he had laid the right foundations this time. He had built this wall before, but it hadn't been strong enough. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes twice. He had put his heart and soul in building this wall. His pain and tears floated the mortar, his soul laid the brick.
Soon the wall would be high enough to block out the images that played in front of him. Memories of what could have been, what he had screwed up, the choices he never made. Lives full of happiness and satisfaction, lives so unfamiliar to his own.
His legs trembled with a cramp. Soon, he would be able to stand. Soon, he would take charge. Soon.
He wasn't sure when the Voice appeared. He did know that he had tamed the Monster first. That had been a full force of will. But his had been stronger, and with the flexing of his massive arms, he had taken control. Now the Monster sat and stared at him from the corner where he told it to wait. It was his to control as he saw fit. He knew that soon enough he wouldn't need it anymore, but for now, he kept it around.
But the Voice had appeared in form, admittedly, a somewhat hazy form, but he could make out enough.
He was finally able to stand, and his legs trembled a little and then firmed up. He was so glad to be able to stand. He paused a moment to catch his breath. "Snap." The whip gave a little pop. He slowly turned his head and looked at the Voice. It was time to show him who the Master really was.
The Voice pulled his hand back and snapped the whip out again. He snatched the end out of the air. The Voice was silent, astonished and frightened. He didn't even stop to think. He gave a mighty jerk and pulled the Voice to him. The Voice staggered out of control into his waiting hands.
He felt as if he were watching someone else. He was outside of his own body watching the entire scene play out. He had finally had enough of being pushed around, treated like trash, and belittled. He struck back. He pulled the Voice off-balanced and directly into his waiting hands.
The coarse rough skin of his palms cut into the soft silky flesh of the neck of the Voice. The neck was so small and his hands so large that he was able to interlock his fingers, and thumbs, totally encircling the neck. He instinctively flexed his muscles. At first, he didn't realize what he was doing, but when he realized what WAS happening, he squeezed tighter. All his hate, anger came to the surface.
At first the Voice tried to fight back, but as he went longer and longer without oxygen, he slowed his defense until he finally went slack. He never stopped squeezing, his arms hurt with the massive effort, but he just couldn't stop.
When the Voice evacuated his bowels, he finally dropped the body. His chest pumped with adrenaline. His arms were twitching with the exertion. He looked down at the lifeless body. He smiled slightly. He was in complete charge now. The world was about to change.
Looking up with crystal blue eyes, he went back to his work. He still had a wall to build.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Future
I don't know what the future holds
I don't know what to say
To calm your fears.
I wish I did.
What I do know
Is how I feel about you.
I do know what I want.
But it all depends on choice
I don't know what to say
To calm your fears.
I wish I did.
What I do know
Is how I feel about you.
I do know what I want.
But it all depends on choice
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Friday, May 27, 2011
Hopelessness
It had seemed like such a good idea when he started out the day. Riding around, enjoying the scenery and clear his head. There was so much inside of him, he felt like he was going to explode. He just wanted to get away, forget it all.
It had been pleasant driving around. He had taken road after road. Left turn, right turn, it didn't matter. He just wanted the peace of the drive.
It was a beautiful day for a drive. Sunny, blue, and cloudless skies were the perfect medicine to his troubled soul. He was soon lost, but didn't care. He was just going to go where the road took. He would worry about getting home later. Now, he was just concentrating on letting it all go.
As it got on later in the day, he realized it was time to be starting to head home. He had no real idea of where he was. The sky was no longer clear and crystal blue, but now cloudy and threatening rain. It was summer and time for the late afternoon thunderstorm.
Deciding to turn around, he turned on his GPS and waited for a signal. While he was waiting, he realized that while he had driven all day, he still had no better idea of what to do. If he left, he would be condemning himself, but if he stayed, he would be doing the same.
The GPS had finally caught up with him and was pointing his way home. Trusting in its guidance as he always did, he turned the car in the right direction and started home. His heart got heavier with every single mile. Stay or go. Stay or go. Over and over it repeated within him. He wished this was an easy decision to reach.
He hadn't gotten far when the rain started. At first it was heavy, but then it lightened into a normal summer shower. Just enough water to slick the roads. Lost in thought, he wasn't paying attention and almost missed his turn. Snapping too, he jerked the wheel hard in an effort to make the turn.
It was too late, and he knew it as soon as he did it. The car started sliding across the wet pavement, now slicked like an oil spill. Unable to control it, he slid off the side, and over. The car started flipping almost immediately, all he could do was pray to God and hold on.
Over and over and over, the car flipped going down the hill. Soon the car smashed into a small tree, demolishing it. But the tree did slow the car's plummet, as did the next and then the next. Finally coming to a rest, the smashed and beaten car was easily a tenth of a mile from the road, buried in the trees. Even if you knew where to look, you would miss the wreckage.
He wasn't sure how long he had been laying there, when he came to. All he knew was excruciating pain every time he breathed, and that he couldn't move the left side of his body. Slowly turning his neck, he looked around. The car was demolished. He couldn't see out of the windshield, it was so spider-webbed, but he could see out of the gap between the windshield and the frame. The only things he could see where trees though.
He looked down at his body. He was pinned in the seat, the door was smashed onto his arm, completely attached. What he could see of his left arm was soaked in crimson of blood. He knew something major had been severed, but he couldn't feel it. Looking down at his chest, he saw what looked like a tree limb sticking out. Astonished, he gently raised his right hand and touched it. It hurt a lot. A LOT! He raised his hand to wipe his face, and saw that it came away bloody.
He knew that he was in bad shape. He knew that he needed to call for help. Looking around, he spotted his cell phone. Praising God for small miracles, he picked it up. Getting ready to call 911, he realized that he had absolutely no idea of where he was. They would want him to stay on the line so that they could use his phone to locate him. He looked at the battery, it was almost dead. He probably only had enough for one call.
He debated. Call 911 or call her. Tell her how much he loved her, how sorry he was that this had happened. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, to tell her how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life getting to know her. To tell her all the secrets of his heart, to confide in her all his secrets, to share and be whole. Or did he call 911 and try to save himself. There was no real guarantee that they would be able to find him.
He dialed the number. It was now or never, it was starting to hurt to breathe, and his sight was getting dim. The phone rang, and rang and rang and rang. Finally, the voice mail kicked on. She wasn't going to answer his call. He waited for the tone.
"I love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye love." was all he managed before everything went black.
He never heard the phone ring back.
It had been pleasant driving around. He had taken road after road. Left turn, right turn, it didn't matter. He just wanted the peace of the drive.
It was a beautiful day for a drive. Sunny, blue, and cloudless skies were the perfect medicine to his troubled soul. He was soon lost, but didn't care. He was just going to go where the road took. He would worry about getting home later. Now, he was just concentrating on letting it all go.
As it got on later in the day, he realized it was time to be starting to head home. He had no real idea of where he was. The sky was no longer clear and crystal blue, but now cloudy and threatening rain. It was summer and time for the late afternoon thunderstorm.
Deciding to turn around, he turned on his GPS and waited for a signal. While he was waiting, he realized that while he had driven all day, he still had no better idea of what to do. If he left, he would be condemning himself, but if he stayed, he would be doing the same.
The GPS had finally caught up with him and was pointing his way home. Trusting in its guidance as he always did, he turned the car in the right direction and started home. His heart got heavier with every single mile. Stay or go. Stay or go. Over and over it repeated within him. He wished this was an easy decision to reach.
He hadn't gotten far when the rain started. At first it was heavy, but then it lightened into a normal summer shower. Just enough water to slick the roads. Lost in thought, he wasn't paying attention and almost missed his turn. Snapping too, he jerked the wheel hard in an effort to make the turn.
It was too late, and he knew it as soon as he did it. The car started sliding across the wet pavement, now slicked like an oil spill. Unable to control it, he slid off the side, and over. The car started flipping almost immediately, all he could do was pray to God and hold on.
Over and over and over, the car flipped going down the hill. Soon the car smashed into a small tree, demolishing it. But the tree did slow the car's plummet, as did the next and then the next. Finally coming to a rest, the smashed and beaten car was easily a tenth of a mile from the road, buried in the trees. Even if you knew where to look, you would miss the wreckage.
He wasn't sure how long he had been laying there, when he came to. All he knew was excruciating pain every time he breathed, and that he couldn't move the left side of his body. Slowly turning his neck, he looked around. The car was demolished. He couldn't see out of the windshield, it was so spider-webbed, but he could see out of the gap between the windshield and the frame. The only things he could see where trees though.
He looked down at his body. He was pinned in the seat, the door was smashed onto his arm, completely attached. What he could see of his left arm was soaked in crimson of blood. He knew something major had been severed, but he couldn't feel it. Looking down at his chest, he saw what looked like a tree limb sticking out. Astonished, he gently raised his right hand and touched it. It hurt a lot. A LOT! He raised his hand to wipe his face, and saw that it came away bloody.
He knew that he was in bad shape. He knew that he needed to call for help. Looking around, he spotted his cell phone. Praising God for small miracles, he picked it up. Getting ready to call 911, he realized that he had absolutely no idea of where he was. They would want him to stay on the line so that they could use his phone to locate him. He looked at the battery, it was almost dead. He probably only had enough for one call.
He debated. Call 911 or call her. Tell her how much he loved her, how sorry he was that this had happened. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, to tell her how much he wanted to spend the rest of his life getting to know her. To tell her all the secrets of his heart, to confide in her all his secrets, to share and be whole. Or did he call 911 and try to save himself. There was no real guarantee that they would be able to find him.
He dialed the number. It was now or never, it was starting to hurt to breathe, and his sight was getting dim. The phone rang, and rang and rang and rang. Finally, the voice mail kicked on. She wasn't going to answer his call. He waited for the tone.
"I love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye love." was all he managed before everything went black.
He never heard the phone ring back.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thunder of the soul
I lay here
watching the lightning flash,
And I hear your words in my head.
Doubting and fearful.
I listen to the thunder rumble,
My heart is an echo.
For now I know your reasoning,
And it haunts my slumber.
I can only be who I am,
I don't pretend, I don't lie.
I never promised perfection,
And I'm not starting now.
But its not enough,
The fear remains,
And so do you.
That's my curse.
watching the lightning flash,
And I hear your words in my head.
Doubting and fearful.
I listen to the thunder rumble,
My heart is an echo.
For now I know your reasoning,
And it haunts my slumber.
I can only be who I am,
I don't pretend, I don't lie.
I never promised perfection,
And I'm not starting now.
But its not enough,
The fear remains,
And so do you.
That's my curse.
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011
When the bell tolls
In the distance, a bell tolled the hour. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. It was eeiry in the early morning fog. A dog started barking at a unseen spectacle. It was still and clammy.
He really didn't why he was here. He didn't know why he had come. He figured it was because he would do anything for her, but he was starting to rethink that. He liked his sleep.
He had not planned on getting up this early. But her phone call had been frantic, removing all vestiges of sleep from his mind. She needed him right now. He had to meet her, it was vitally important.
"It had better be important," he thought groggily as he rose from his bed. Even though he complained, he knew that he would do anything she asked, and she wouldn't call in the middle of night unless it was desperately important. Maybe she had finally left. This thought got him energized. He had been waiting for this for so long.
It hadn't taken him long to get to the coordinates she gave him. The coordinates put him right in front of a cemetery. The fog was so thick, it seemed as if you could just pluck some right out of the air and hold it in your hand. He scanned the area, she was nowhere to be seen. "That was strange," he thought, "she had been so frantic on the phone."
Since he was up and here, he started looking around. Within a few minutes, he found an opening in the fence to the cemetery. Peering into the cemetery, his skin prickled with sudden cold. He knew that he was going to have to go in, and knew that it wouldn't be good. He shivered.
Raising his eyes to look deeper into the cemetery, he saw it. Her scarf, her favorite scarf. He had seen it so many times, he couldn't mistake it. His heart sunk, that feeling of dread he had been experiencing was now proven true. She WAS in the cemetery. He HAD to save her. In his mind there was no other option.
Using his capable strength, he bent the fence further to allow him to squeeze through, but it was definitely a tight fit. Inside the cemetery, he gazed around. He had no real idea where to start looking for her, and the fog was so thick now, he couldn't see more than a few feet in front of him.
He turned on the flashlight he had stuck in his pocket. It didn't help any. Just made everything white. He turned it back off. Then he looked at his cellphone, "Yep, just as I thought." he said, "No Service." Nothing about this seemed to be good, but he just KNEW she was in here. He didn't know what had happened, but he knew she NEEDED him.
Standing there, pondering his next move, he heard a small scream in the darkness. She was in trouble! He started moving toward the sound as quickly as possible. The fog made it almost impossible to move at anything other than a fast walk, anything else would bring injury. It was SO foggy.
He reached a paved path, but was unsure where to go. Pausing, he felt a slight breeze blow, the air was cooling enough to start moving away some of the fog. An eddy blew past him, and he saw one of her shoes on the ground. His heart pounding, he searched nearby. YES! He soon found the other. Walking rapidly down the path in the directions of the shoes, he heard her call out again. It was definitely louder.
Racing down the path as fast as he could, he moved towards her voice. She needed him, and she needed him NOW! Reaching a cross-roads, he paused, unsure which path to take again. Catching his breath, he strained his eyes for any sight of her, strained his ears for any hint of a sound.
He heard a muffled cry to his right, behind the big mausolem. Rushing around to the other side, he stopped suddenly, completely surprised at what he saw.
Laid out before him on a blanket was his love, spread-eagle, bare as the day she was born. One hand was tied to a stake, and both of her ankles. With the one hand she had free, she put her finger to her lips to quiet him. Speaking softly, she said, "I want to fulfill your wildest desires. But I need your help to tie up my other hand. Then you can have your way with me."
Breaking into a grin, he knelt beside her. No words were needed. She knew his heart. She was his perfect match.
He really didn't why he was here. He didn't know why he had come. He figured it was because he would do anything for her, but he was starting to rethink that. He liked his sleep.
He had not planned on getting up this early. But her phone call had been frantic, removing all vestiges of sleep from his mind. She needed him right now. He had to meet her, it was vitally important.
"It had better be important," he thought groggily as he rose from his bed. Even though he complained, he knew that he would do anything she asked, and she wouldn't call in the middle of night unless it was desperately important. Maybe she had finally left. This thought got him energized. He had been waiting for this for so long.
It hadn't taken him long to get to the coordinates she gave him. The coordinates put him right in front of a cemetery. The fog was so thick, it seemed as if you could just pluck some right out of the air and hold it in your hand. He scanned the area, she was nowhere to be seen. "That was strange," he thought, "she had been so frantic on the phone."
Since he was up and here, he started looking around. Within a few minutes, he found an opening in the fence to the cemetery. Peering into the cemetery, his skin prickled with sudden cold. He knew that he was going to have to go in, and knew that it wouldn't be good. He shivered.
Raising his eyes to look deeper into the cemetery, he saw it. Her scarf, her favorite scarf. He had seen it so many times, he couldn't mistake it. His heart sunk, that feeling of dread he had been experiencing was now proven true. She WAS in the cemetery. He HAD to save her. In his mind there was no other option.
Using his capable strength, he bent the fence further to allow him to squeeze through, but it was definitely a tight fit. Inside the cemetery, he gazed around. He had no real idea where to start looking for her, and the fog was so thick now, he couldn't see more than a few feet in front of him.
He turned on the flashlight he had stuck in his pocket. It didn't help any. Just made everything white. He turned it back off. Then he looked at his cellphone, "Yep, just as I thought." he said, "No Service." Nothing about this seemed to be good, but he just KNEW she was in here. He didn't know what had happened, but he knew she NEEDED him.
Standing there, pondering his next move, he heard a small scream in the darkness. She was in trouble! He started moving toward the sound as quickly as possible. The fog made it almost impossible to move at anything other than a fast walk, anything else would bring injury. It was SO foggy.
He reached a paved path, but was unsure where to go. Pausing, he felt a slight breeze blow, the air was cooling enough to start moving away some of the fog. An eddy blew past him, and he saw one of her shoes on the ground. His heart pounding, he searched nearby. YES! He soon found the other. Walking rapidly down the path in the directions of the shoes, he heard her call out again. It was definitely louder.
Racing down the path as fast as he could, he moved towards her voice. She needed him, and she needed him NOW! Reaching a cross-roads, he paused, unsure which path to take again. Catching his breath, he strained his eyes for any sight of her, strained his ears for any hint of a sound.
He heard a muffled cry to his right, behind the big mausolem. Rushing around to the other side, he stopped suddenly, completely surprised at what he saw.
Laid out before him on a blanket was his love, spread-eagle, bare as the day she was born. One hand was tied to a stake, and both of her ankles. With the one hand she had free, she put her finger to her lips to quiet him. Speaking softly, she said, "I want to fulfill your wildest desires. But I need your help to tie up my other hand. Then you can have your way with me."
Breaking into a grin, he knelt beside her. No words were needed. She knew his heart. She was his perfect match.
What do you find interesting?
 |
| You Don't have to put out the red light |
 |
| Daddy NEEDS to win this! |
 | |
| I went through the drivethru just to have to wait on the other side. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the drivethru? |
 |
| Say it with me now, Bo de gais |
 |
| Now that is a cool bench. I want one. |
 |
| Maybe one day. A man can dream. |
 |
| The flood waters coming from the Bonne Carre Spillway |
 |
| A goofball |
 |
| And sometimes, life just surprises you |
 |
| My future home, once I win the lottery of course. |
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Argument
"You're wrong, you know." The Voice spoke out.
He hung his head in shame. He wasn't entirely sure the Voice was correct, but it was better not to argue with it sometimes. Those times, it was better just to let the Voice speak its negativity and then let it all go.
And sometimes the Voice couldn't be silenced.
"She isn't going to be with you. She doesn't really love you. She is just playing a game with your heart. You will never find the happiness you seek...." the Voice continued on, but he droned it out. He really didn't want to listen to this negativity, but it was hard not to. The words spoken rang true. But in his heart he didn't believe what was said. He felt that he knew her better.
He had decided to trust her, and all that meant. That was the crazy thing about loving someone, you opened yourself to them, to their whims, their wiles. No one could hurt you like the one you loved. They knew all your soft spots, all your vulnerable places, they knew what hurt you the most, and what you were afraid of.
He tried to never speak in anger because of this fact. Maybe that was what brought about the Voice. He never remembered any particular date that it showed up, it was just there one day, one of his dark days. It was all the negativity and spite of the world. According to it, he was never good enough, he would never be successful, and he was always wasting his time being nice to people.
"You are a failure, you are nothing. No one loves you, no one wants to be with you. You are better off dead, and if you lack the guts to kill yourself, then you deserve to be alone in your misery." the Voice was on a roll now. It was winding down, but the words still stung.
He remembered the words of a song he had once heard "Words can relay nice, they can cut you open. And Silence surrounds you and haunts you." Sometimes it was the words spoken that caused the Voice to rant, and sometimes it was the silence. The silence at night always brought the Voice. That was when it was strongest. That was when he had no defense against the Voice.
He didn't want to believe the Voice, he knew it was just lying to him, that if he believed it, he wouldn't be any better, but worse. He hoped for a better future, and tried his best to ignore the Voice. It was hard, it was a constant struggle, one that he barely won somedays. But he knew that if he ever lost, then he would be lost forever. And so he struggled on.
Sometimes, though, the voice spoke enough of the truth as to confuse him. Those days were the hardest. It was easy to feel sorry for himself and listen to what the Voice had to say, but he managed to break free. Most of the time it was with the help of others. Some of these people had no idea what they were doing.
The Voice was quiet now. For now.
And he found that the Silence haunted him as much as the Voice tormented him. Maybe he was cursed.
He hung his head in shame. He wasn't entirely sure the Voice was correct, but it was better not to argue with it sometimes. Those times, it was better just to let the Voice speak its negativity and then let it all go.
And sometimes the Voice couldn't be silenced.
"She isn't going to be with you. She doesn't really love you. She is just playing a game with your heart. You will never find the happiness you seek...." the Voice continued on, but he droned it out. He really didn't want to listen to this negativity, but it was hard not to. The words spoken rang true. But in his heart he didn't believe what was said. He felt that he knew her better.
He had decided to trust her, and all that meant. That was the crazy thing about loving someone, you opened yourself to them, to their whims, their wiles. No one could hurt you like the one you loved. They knew all your soft spots, all your vulnerable places, they knew what hurt you the most, and what you were afraid of.
He tried to never speak in anger because of this fact. Maybe that was what brought about the Voice. He never remembered any particular date that it showed up, it was just there one day, one of his dark days. It was all the negativity and spite of the world. According to it, he was never good enough, he would never be successful, and he was always wasting his time being nice to people.
"You are a failure, you are nothing. No one loves you, no one wants to be with you. You are better off dead, and if you lack the guts to kill yourself, then you deserve to be alone in your misery." the Voice was on a roll now. It was winding down, but the words still stung.
He remembered the words of a song he had once heard "Words can relay nice, they can cut you open. And Silence surrounds you and haunts you." Sometimes it was the words spoken that caused the Voice to rant, and sometimes it was the silence. The silence at night always brought the Voice. That was when it was strongest. That was when he had no defense against the Voice.
He didn't want to believe the Voice, he knew it was just lying to him, that if he believed it, he wouldn't be any better, but worse. He hoped for a better future, and tried his best to ignore the Voice. It was hard, it was a constant struggle, one that he barely won somedays. But he knew that if he ever lost, then he would be lost forever. And so he struggled on.
Sometimes, though, the voice spoke enough of the truth as to confuse him. Those days were the hardest. It was easy to feel sorry for himself and listen to what the Voice had to say, but he managed to break free. Most of the time it was with the help of others. Some of these people had no idea what they were doing.
The Voice was quiet now. For now.
And he found that the Silence haunted him as much as the Voice tormented him. Maybe he was cursed.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Cursed
He paused from his labor, wiping the sweat from his brow. It was hot. There was no other way to describe it. It was the heat of humid temperatures combined with a merciless sun and a cloudless sky. He turned back to look behind him, his feet making little clouds of dust. It had been months since the last rain, but if he didn't get the seed in the ground, he wouldn't have anything when the rains did come. If they ever came again.
Life seemed to be nothing but one hardship after another. He had never expected an easy road in life, but he had never dreamed that he would have had the difficulties he encountered in his life. Nothing had prepared him for the heartache, the despair. But somehow, he still kept going. Even he was amazed, he would have predicted that he would have died long ago. But God had other plans for him it seemed.
Laughing out loud, a little sun-crazy, he shook his head. If anything, he was God's joke. Proof that God was not a just God, but then he never expected Justice. He had never expected anything really, he had just wanted the opportunity to succeed. Some days he felt that even that was beyond him.
When he was a young man, he had wanted a family, a good job, and the other things that came with it. He had married the love of his life, and they had had a number of happy years together. But they couldn't seem to get pregnant. That was the high point of his life. From there it was completely downhill. The fighting started soon after, they had pinned so much on having children, what should have been a joyous occasion had turned the relationship into one of trouble. She blamed him, he blamed her. They got tested. He was barren.
It didn't take her two weeks to leave. He sat in the empty house, listening to echoes of happiness past and future. It was all gone now. He tried to pull his life back together, but something had changed inside of him. The things of his dreams were now false. He no longer knew what to believe.
So he just kept going to work, using that as some sort of stability in his life. Then the economy tanked and his company went under. There were no other jobs available in his field in the area. So he scraped together and moved back home.
Years went by, he went from job to job, relationship to relationship, never finding the satisfaction he searched for. He never found anything to fill the hole inside him. He never gave up. He kept looking.
Finally, he found himself, broke, poor, lonely and all he had to his name was a small parcel of land.
And so he found himself living in a shed with no power, no running water, tilling a land of dust by hand in a last ditch effort to stave off death. And he simply couldn't help but wonder "Why me?". He hadn't made bad decisions in his life, but it seemed like nothing ever worked out for him the way it should have. He was intelligent enough to have been successful, but he never was. He was nice enough to have been able to find company, but it never worked. He never found anyone he could spend time with.
Thus he was here, tilling the soil, wondering where he had fucked up. What had he done wrong in life to deserve such a lot? And still he toiled, and the sun beat down uncaring, merciless.
And the Ants go marching in
The day started out as any other normal day. Bill woke up, stretched, went to the bathroom and got ready for work. He stared in the mirror. It was going to be one of those days. One of those days when everything was just "blah". He asked his reflection, "Well, is there anything more to life than this?" But he never got a response.
Sighing, he gathered his things and went to work. So many of his neighbors were headed the same way. They all followed the same path just like a bunch of herd animals. Everyone plodded along, lost in their own little words, a occasional apology mumbled when they all had to stop. No one talked to each other, no one cared.
At work, they had to have the morning safety meeting. Bill didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be at work. He longed to be outside, enjoying the sun and grass and fresh air. He longed for that opportunity. Every now and then, he got outside on a supervision detail. He wanted to do more, but "no," they said "he was too important to be outside, he had to supervise the workers in the tunnels." What a croc of beetle dung!
The boss droned on and on about the importance of making this tunnel strong. It was supposed to be the new thorough-fare. Their route to the new expansion, the colony had gotten too big. It was time to branch out. Bill couldn't think of anything else but fresh air and sunshine.
Lost in his daydreams, Bill came to to find the safety meeting over, and everyone heading out to their posts. Bill collected himself, and started to head out when he saw the boss headed in his direction. "Great," Bill thought. "So much for blending in today." He just didn't feel like hearing it today. He just wanted to get through the day and go back to bed. It just wasn't a good day.
"Bill, before you go, I need to have a word with you." The boss began. Bill sucked in his sigh, and nodded his head. The boss droned on and on about project timeline's, and meeting goals and expectations. Some slight mention of a bonus involved, which was quickly glossed over. They didn't want to promise too much, those bosses. Just work an ant to death.
The day passed uneventfully. They were making good progress. But they had come to a point where they needed to dig an outside portal. They were getting close to breaching the surface today. Once that was done and the outcropping was secured, they could begin the last stage of the tunnel. Then it would be time for the explorers to begin building the new Colony.
Bill knew he would never be chosen for the new Colony. He was an older ant, larger and slower. The new colony would be for the young, agile, go-getter ants. They would start the new dream. He would be stuck here doing his tunneling until he died. Some dirt fell from the ceiling nearby. That is if one of these new tunnels didn't kill him first. But Bill was the kind of foreman that worked. He would get in there and do what needed to be done. He wasn't afraid to get dirty.
He was at the end of the tunnel, inspecting the support structure, when it happened. A cave-in. There was yells that the rain had come out of its normal pattern. Before Bill could do anything, the ground rumbled and the entire opening burst in with large chunks of dirt and water droplets.The ants behind Bill were falling to their deaths. There was only one option for him, fight his way through.
Furiously Bill struggled upwards. Somehow, defying gravity and logic, he managed to break free of the falling debris to find himself climbing a blade of grass to see what what going on. Ants were pouring out of other holes to see what was going on. He could see the Generals directing the young soldiers into a perimeter of defense. The rain wasn't falling from the sky, but coming from somewhere else.
Bill scanned the horizon. Taking in the beauty around him. The sky was blue, the sunshine felt warm on him, the grass was green and there was slight breeze blowing. Bill was in heaven.
The screams of ants nearby brought him out of his reverie. There was something massive walking across the ground. This surely was the cause of water. He watched a foot come down on some of his fellow ants, the brave souls that made it out of the way, turned and attacked, grabbing ahold of the bottom of the appendage and racing towards the top. These were the best fighters that his colony had to offer. Bill was certain that they would be able to chase away this threat. Then it was back to work for Bill.
He leaned back, at least he could enjoy the outside for a little while longer. No one knew he was here, and he wasn't needed right now. A brief shadow over the sun threw Bill's eyes wide open. He saw the foot heading straight down on top of him. Bill didn't realize that this being had two feet. Bill scrambled as fast as he could down the blade of grass he was on. He started sliding and jumped through the air for the next blade, he missed his landing, hitting a bead of water instead. Loosing his balance, he rolled end over end down that blade of grass and onto the next. Landing on his back, Bill watched with horror as the foot descended right before his eyes. It was RIGHT next to him. The force of the air from the foot landing on the Terra threw Bill up into the air.
Before he knew what was going on, Bill found himself on top of the creatures foot. He was being lifted into the air. At first Bill was terrified and held on for dear life. But after a few minutes of not going flying off, Bill started to enjoy the wind rushing over him as the foot moved. It was like riding a colosal beast, but with no way of control. Bill had never felt so much fear, so much joy in his entire life. THIS is what he had been searching for!
No longer frightened, Bill started looking around him. He looked back to the other foot just in time to see those crazy warrior ants start to attack the other foot. The human felt them and started stomping and dancing around. It was like riding a bucking elephant. Bill was holding on for dear life. But it wasn't enough, he was slipping. Finally in desperation, Bill reached out and bit the flesh to hold on. The human felt him and swept his giant hand across his foot. Bill let go and just rolled along the hand. At the last instant, he grabbed hold of the hand and let it lift him high into the air.
At the peak of the swing, Bill leaped off. "This was the end," he thought. He could think of no better way to die than falling free through the air, soaring like a bird. Down and down he fell, the wind whistling past him. He saw the ground rushing up to meet him. Bill closed his eyes and smiled. He was ready to go.
Sploosh!
Bill landed in a bead of water. He floated a minute before the force of his impact broke the surface tension and burst the bead. He landed on the ground sputtering and shaking. He couldn't believe what had happened. He had lived through it. He had managed to survive.
Bill stood tall. He was blessed by the gods. It was time to return to colony, and take his place as a shaman. His days of meaningless toil were over. Bill had been tried and found true. It was time for Bill to relax and tell the bosses what to do.
As he started back towards the colony, Bill found his footing slippery and hard to control. Looking around, he realized he wasn't on the ground, but still high in the air. He was on the shiny metal thing that the human moved around in. Just as this realization hit him, he managed to see the hand sliding right at him. Bill had just enough time to grab hold before it swept him off his feet.
"How Ironic," Bill thought. Just another story of how holy he was. The human bringing him to the Earth. The hand came to an aburpt stop, and then reversed directions. Bill hadn't been paying attention, making up a story about how powerfully magic he was. Instinctively reaching out, Bill grabbed hold of the skin with everything he had, including his teeth.
The Human was already enraged by the earlier attack, Bill never had a chance. The human quickly pinned Bill against the car and squished him dead. Bill never saw it coming.
The last sound Bill heard was "Gotcha!", then the world went black.
And the human continued on.
Sighing, he gathered his things and went to work. So many of his neighbors were headed the same way. They all followed the same path just like a bunch of herd animals. Everyone plodded along, lost in their own little words, a occasional apology mumbled when they all had to stop. No one talked to each other, no one cared.
At work, they had to have the morning safety meeting. Bill didn't want to be there. He didn't want to be at work. He longed to be outside, enjoying the sun and grass and fresh air. He longed for that opportunity. Every now and then, he got outside on a supervision detail. He wanted to do more, but "no," they said "he was too important to be outside, he had to supervise the workers in the tunnels." What a croc of beetle dung!
The boss droned on and on about the importance of making this tunnel strong. It was supposed to be the new thorough-fare. Their route to the new expansion, the colony had gotten too big. It was time to branch out. Bill couldn't think of anything else but fresh air and sunshine.
Lost in his daydreams, Bill came to to find the safety meeting over, and everyone heading out to their posts. Bill collected himself, and started to head out when he saw the boss headed in his direction. "Great," Bill thought. "So much for blending in today." He just didn't feel like hearing it today. He just wanted to get through the day and go back to bed. It just wasn't a good day.
"Bill, before you go, I need to have a word with you." The boss began. Bill sucked in his sigh, and nodded his head. The boss droned on and on about project timeline's, and meeting goals and expectations. Some slight mention of a bonus involved, which was quickly glossed over. They didn't want to promise too much, those bosses. Just work an ant to death.
The day passed uneventfully. They were making good progress. But they had come to a point where they needed to dig an outside portal. They were getting close to breaching the surface today. Once that was done and the outcropping was secured, they could begin the last stage of the tunnel. Then it would be time for the explorers to begin building the new Colony.
Bill knew he would never be chosen for the new Colony. He was an older ant, larger and slower. The new colony would be for the young, agile, go-getter ants. They would start the new dream. He would be stuck here doing his tunneling until he died. Some dirt fell from the ceiling nearby. That is if one of these new tunnels didn't kill him first. But Bill was the kind of foreman that worked. He would get in there and do what needed to be done. He wasn't afraid to get dirty.
He was at the end of the tunnel, inspecting the support structure, when it happened. A cave-in. There was yells that the rain had come out of its normal pattern. Before Bill could do anything, the ground rumbled and the entire opening burst in with large chunks of dirt and water droplets.The ants behind Bill were falling to their deaths. There was only one option for him, fight his way through.
Furiously Bill struggled upwards. Somehow, defying gravity and logic, he managed to break free of the falling debris to find himself climbing a blade of grass to see what what going on. Ants were pouring out of other holes to see what was going on. He could see the Generals directing the young soldiers into a perimeter of defense. The rain wasn't falling from the sky, but coming from somewhere else.
Bill scanned the horizon. Taking in the beauty around him. The sky was blue, the sunshine felt warm on him, the grass was green and there was slight breeze blowing. Bill was in heaven.
The screams of ants nearby brought him out of his reverie. There was something massive walking across the ground. This surely was the cause of water. He watched a foot come down on some of his fellow ants, the brave souls that made it out of the way, turned and attacked, grabbing ahold of the bottom of the appendage and racing towards the top. These were the best fighters that his colony had to offer. Bill was certain that they would be able to chase away this threat. Then it was back to work for Bill.
He leaned back, at least he could enjoy the outside for a little while longer. No one knew he was here, and he wasn't needed right now. A brief shadow over the sun threw Bill's eyes wide open. He saw the foot heading straight down on top of him. Bill didn't realize that this being had two feet. Bill scrambled as fast as he could down the blade of grass he was on. He started sliding and jumped through the air for the next blade, he missed his landing, hitting a bead of water instead. Loosing his balance, he rolled end over end down that blade of grass and onto the next. Landing on his back, Bill watched with horror as the foot descended right before his eyes. It was RIGHT next to him. The force of the air from the foot landing on the Terra threw Bill up into the air.
Before he knew what was going on, Bill found himself on top of the creatures foot. He was being lifted into the air. At first Bill was terrified and held on for dear life. But after a few minutes of not going flying off, Bill started to enjoy the wind rushing over him as the foot moved. It was like riding a colosal beast, but with no way of control. Bill had never felt so much fear, so much joy in his entire life. THIS is what he had been searching for!
No longer frightened, Bill started looking around him. He looked back to the other foot just in time to see those crazy warrior ants start to attack the other foot. The human felt them and started stomping and dancing around. It was like riding a bucking elephant. Bill was holding on for dear life. But it wasn't enough, he was slipping. Finally in desperation, Bill reached out and bit the flesh to hold on. The human felt him and swept his giant hand across his foot. Bill let go and just rolled along the hand. At the last instant, he grabbed hold of the hand and let it lift him high into the air.
At the peak of the swing, Bill leaped off. "This was the end," he thought. He could think of no better way to die than falling free through the air, soaring like a bird. Down and down he fell, the wind whistling past him. He saw the ground rushing up to meet him. Bill closed his eyes and smiled. He was ready to go.
Sploosh!
Bill landed in a bead of water. He floated a minute before the force of his impact broke the surface tension and burst the bead. He landed on the ground sputtering and shaking. He couldn't believe what had happened. He had lived through it. He had managed to survive.
Bill stood tall. He was blessed by the gods. It was time to return to colony, and take his place as a shaman. His days of meaningless toil were over. Bill had been tried and found true. It was time for Bill to relax and tell the bosses what to do.
As he started back towards the colony, Bill found his footing slippery and hard to control. Looking around, he realized he wasn't on the ground, but still high in the air. He was on the shiny metal thing that the human moved around in. Just as this realization hit him, he managed to see the hand sliding right at him. Bill had just enough time to grab hold before it swept him off his feet.
"How Ironic," Bill thought. Just another story of how holy he was. The human bringing him to the Earth. The hand came to an aburpt stop, and then reversed directions. Bill hadn't been paying attention, making up a story about how powerfully magic he was. Instinctively reaching out, Bill grabbed hold of the skin with everything he had, including his teeth.
The Human was already enraged by the earlier attack, Bill never had a chance. The human quickly pinned Bill against the car and squished him dead. Bill never saw it coming.
The last sound Bill heard was "Gotcha!", then the world went black.
And the human continued on.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Life passes
Warning, this is a work of fiction. If you can't handle it, don't read.
It was hard to think. His brain was cloudy. His thoughts were dis-coherent and scattered. He knew that he shouldn't be here. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he had no idea how to stop it anymore. He was lost in the sea.
He never thought he would be here, now, in this situation. It was insane to imagine that this is what life was. A collection of sad experiences that had taught him to distrust and be wary of others. It was only when he let down his guard that things ended up this way.
The metal was hard and cold in his hands. He held it gingerly, not really sure why he was holding it. Everything was fuzzy. How did he get to this point? Wasn't there any other alternative?
He had been doing fine, leading a life alone. And all that meant. Routines, distractions. So what if he didn't sleep at night? He wasn't doing any better now. He had no appetite any more. Chuckling wryly to himself, he thought, "Boy, do I have the best weight-loss plan. Have your heart broken, you will lose lots of weight."
The weight of the metal seemed heavy in his hand. He had never really held something like this before. Its weight was unfamiliar, uncomfortable and alien. He still wasn't sure why he was holding it, why he couldn't put it down.
Then she had come into the picture. She had found the chinks in his armor, the holes in his walls. It was amazing how fast things changed, how quickly someone became part of you.
But some things were just never meant to be. She was fantastic, utterly breath-taking, she excited him on so many levels and in so many ways. She full-filled every fantasy, sometimes before he knew he had it. But she wasn't for him. It wasn't meant to be, no matter what he wanted, how much he wanted it, it was never going to happen. Believing different was the last step into insanity.
It was hard to breathe with this metal between his teeth. All he could think about was the way his teeth clinked on the metal. Was this it? Was this the way it was meant to end? He simply couldn't take the pain anymore, the doubt, the heartache, the loneliness, the hopelessness. The situation was never going to change, and he simply couldn't change his heart. It was hard to unlove someone. And he had tried. Was this how it ends? His mouth was drooling with being open as long it had been. Was he ready for this? To give up?
His phone rang. It was her, how she knew to call him at all the right moments, he would never know. As soon as she spoke, all the doubts and fears would disappear. He knew what felt right, he knew where he was meant to be. But every time they spoke, it was the same. The longing, the need, the desire. When she laughed, everything was forgotten. He knew everything would be alright, he knew that everything would be ok. Life made sense and he had a purpose with her around.
He pulled the gun from his mouth. Hope held his hand. Hope of a better life, hope of being able to feel loved at least a moment more, hope of feeling complete as only she could make him. Hope.
Hope.
Because he knew this was not the end. With or without her, life still moved on. It may be empty and cold, but he would always hope.
It was hard to think. His brain was cloudy. His thoughts were dis-coherent and scattered. He knew that he shouldn't be here. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, but he had no idea how to stop it anymore. He was lost in the sea.
He never thought he would be here, now, in this situation. It was insane to imagine that this is what life was. A collection of sad experiences that had taught him to distrust and be wary of others. It was only when he let down his guard that things ended up this way.
The metal was hard and cold in his hands. He held it gingerly, not really sure why he was holding it. Everything was fuzzy. How did he get to this point? Wasn't there any other alternative?
He had been doing fine, leading a life alone. And all that meant. Routines, distractions. So what if he didn't sleep at night? He wasn't doing any better now. He had no appetite any more. Chuckling wryly to himself, he thought, "Boy, do I have the best weight-loss plan. Have your heart broken, you will lose lots of weight."
The weight of the metal seemed heavy in his hand. He had never really held something like this before. Its weight was unfamiliar, uncomfortable and alien. He still wasn't sure why he was holding it, why he couldn't put it down.
Then she had come into the picture. She had found the chinks in his armor, the holes in his walls. It was amazing how fast things changed, how quickly someone became part of you.
But some things were just never meant to be. She was fantastic, utterly breath-taking, she excited him on so many levels and in so many ways. She full-filled every fantasy, sometimes before he knew he had it. But she wasn't for him. It wasn't meant to be, no matter what he wanted, how much he wanted it, it was never going to happen. Believing different was the last step into insanity.
It was hard to breathe with this metal between his teeth. All he could think about was the way his teeth clinked on the metal. Was this it? Was this the way it was meant to end? He simply couldn't take the pain anymore, the doubt, the heartache, the loneliness, the hopelessness. The situation was never going to change, and he simply couldn't change his heart. It was hard to unlove someone. And he had tried. Was this how it ends? His mouth was drooling with being open as long it had been. Was he ready for this? To give up?
His phone rang. It was her, how she knew to call him at all the right moments, he would never know. As soon as she spoke, all the doubts and fears would disappear. He knew what felt right, he knew where he was meant to be. But every time they spoke, it was the same. The longing, the need, the desire. When she laughed, everything was forgotten. He knew everything would be alright, he knew that everything would be ok. Life made sense and he had a purpose with her around.
He pulled the gun from his mouth. Hope held his hand. Hope of a better life, hope of being able to feel loved at least a moment more, hope of feeling complete as only she could make him. Hope.
Hope.
Because he knew this was not the end. With or without her, life still moved on. It may be empty and cold, but he would always hope.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Sitting beside you
I found you standing there, alone, quiet.
I knew you were hurting.
I wish I could take away your pain.
I come to stand in front of you.
I can see the pain in your eyes.
Such a loss, it is hard to bear.
The walls are so high,
Yet I can see through the cracks,
I know the pain you hide inside.
If only I could reach out to you,
I would hold you close,
wipe away the tears, wipe away the fears.
The pain will fade, and life does go on.
So today, it is ok,
to let them see you cry.
I knew you were hurting.
I wish I could take away your pain.
I come to stand in front of you.
I can see the pain in your eyes.
Such a loss, it is hard to bear.
The walls are so high,
Yet I can see through the cracks,
I know the pain you hide inside.
If only I could reach out to you,
I would hold you close,
wipe away the tears, wipe away the fears.
The pain will fade, and life does go on.
So today, it is ok,
to let them see you cry.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Silence screams at you
Its the silence of my screams,
Its the silence of my dreams.
Its the thoughts in my head
When I can't sleep at night.
Though my body is weary,
And my eyes are blurry,
My mind won't stop
It is spinning like a top.
Dreams of you
Pass before my eyes,
Memories of passion
I can't describe.
Slumber's embrace
I sorely need.
My disgrace
I steadily feed.
By my side
I wish you would lie.
With me tonight
Just make it right.
Slumber come to my rescue,
And take this away from me.
That which I desire
Was never meant to be.
Its the silence of my dreams.
Its the thoughts in my head
When I can't sleep at night.
Though my body is weary,
And my eyes are blurry,
My mind won't stop
It is spinning like a top.
Dreams of you
Pass before my eyes,
Memories of passion
I can't describe.
Slumber's embrace
I sorely need.
My disgrace
I steadily feed.
By my side
I wish you would lie.
With me tonight
Just make it right.
Slumber come to my rescue,
And take this away from me.
That which I desire
Was never meant to be.
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Yes Your Highness - Part 2
Javier stared into her eyes. They told the story of her heart. He found that fact out a long time ago. He could look into her eyes and know what she was thinking, she never had to speak. That was the way it had been the first time they had lain together, and it held true now. Esmeralda's eyes pleaded with him, showing him all the love she could not speak. His training provided him the escape from her pleas. It took over and allowed him to speak. "I can't do what I need to do to save you, with you here. You must go." He wanted to pull her to him so badly. To hold her tight and keep her safe, he loved her so.
Esmeralda had become his only solid thing over the years, the rock he held on to. After he left her in their hometown, he had traveled aimlessly, hiring himself out to whoever paid the most. He quickly earned a name for himself, and soon had men wanting to join him. His adventures with his troupe carried far and wide. On one of his stops back home, Javier had asked around and found out where Esmeralda had gone. The Oath had been weighing heavily on him, and Javier felt the need to be around Esmeralda. Not only did he hopelessly love her, but was magically bonded to her.
The first meeting between the two had been strained. Esmeralda couldn't reveal her true feelings for Javier, because she was the wife of a King, his Queen. And Javier could never reveal his feelings for Esmeralda or face certain death. After that meeting, Javier returned to mercenary life, but found it held no appeal for him anymore. He had amassed a large fortune, and no longer cared to risk life and limb for money.
Retiring, he traveled back to the Kingdom of D'rant, where his Queen reigned with her husband, their King. Making arrangements, and swearing fealty, El Toro soon became the commander of the Army. The Kingdom of D'rant was rich in minerals, but short on warriors. It's neighbors were always pillaging the outskirts, which why Esmeralda's wedding had been arranged. An alliance between the two countries had been formed.
Javier found the army in very bad shape. He spent a lot of time working with the king's men, and soon had a very fit garrison of men. Within six months, he had retrained most of the army, and was starting to look towards expanding the army and the kingdom's borders.
That was when the King was poisoned. Their neighbors to the East, the land of the Purins, had decided that they were tired of little raids and started to invade. They had sent a spy in to kill the King in order to create a greater disarray. Their plan had succeeded in killing the King, but that was as far as it went. Esmeralda rallied the people behind her, she had been an excellent and compassionate monarch and the people loved her. Since she had yet to bear a child for her husband, she was the defacto ruler,and the people had no problems with it.
As they were laying the good king to rest, mirrored messages reported that the Purins had decided to launch an army to attack the mining outpost on the Eastern edge of the Kingdom. Javier had wasted no time in rallying the troops and they had set to meet the invading army.
The men of D'rant fought bravely and fiercely, and with Javier's planning and tactics, they had quickly defeated the army. Having defeated the army, El Toro found out that it had been just a diversion to lay a siege to the castle. Plots within plots, the people of the Southern regions of the Land were just plain devious. Javier's people were much more straight foreward. You had an enemy, you fought them. Whoever died, lost. It was amazing how polite people became when faced with life being polite, or death.
Javier and his men had marched non-stop, throughout the night to arrive just in time to rouse the city and seal the gates before the hordes poured down through the passes, cutting off all lines of escape. The castle city had been built in a fertile valley in the Wayward Mountains. It had everything the people needed to survive when they had first settled here. Then they discovered minerals and jewels, and a kingdom had formed.Now it was their last refuge.
Coming back to the present, Javier found himself still staring into those beautiful golden eyes. They had changed now, harder, she had an idea. Stepping back, she turned and looked around the room. Spying a room in the back where they could talk, she turned back to him and spoke in her Queen voice, "Follow me, El Toro. We need to speak in private." Then she turned and headed into the room.
With no other choice, but than to follow her, El Toro strode into the room, closing the door behind him. Not sure what was going on, but not wanting to give her a chance to try to talk him out of his decision, he started to speak. "Esi," he began. But that was as far as he got. Esmeralda silenced him with a finger to his lips. Then she kissed him passionately.
"Now, listen to me, you stupid pig headed brute of a man. A brute that I love so desperately. I WILL NOT let you go to your death for me. Not when I can prevent it." Esmeralda spoke with feeling. Pausing to gather her breath, she went on. This was the hard part. "Javi, I know you mean well, but I cannot allow you to die today. This is what we are going to do. You are going to lead the people out of here through the old mine at the back of the castle. I will give you the royal map, it is the only one in existance. You will take the people to safety."
"NO!!!!" he exclaimed. He punched the wall hard. Dust drifted to the floor. "I will no more let you go to your death, than you wish to prevent me from mine." He was furious, and his tone conveyed every molecule of that anger.
"Javi!" Esmeralda used her pay-attention-to-me voice. She had used it so many times when they were younger. He instantly calmed down and looked at her. "I am not going to my death. The Sultar of Purin needs me alive. What I will do is ride out under a white flag to parlay. While we talk tonight, you and the people will escape. In the morning I will ride back out and refuse his terms of surrender." Esmeralda was stating her plan calmly, like a normal person talking about taking a stroll down by the river.
Javier looked at her a bit wide-eyed. Her plan had merit, but so many flaws. "What happens when you refuse? Do you think this Sultar will just let you walk away? Why would he need you alive?" Javier pointed out. His only hope now was to show her the flaws, appealing to her logic and reason.
"The Sultar needs me alive. If he wishes to conquer this Kingdom, he will need the people to work the mines. They are the only ones who know how, an outsider would be lost. These people grew up in the mines working, it is in their blood. The land of Purin is different. It is more of a wasteland, arid and dry. The wet moist air of the mountains make it hard for them to breathe. They need the people of D'rant to mine their riches, to farm the fields. The people of D'rant will fight to the death unless I convince them to surrender. The Sultar needs me alive to sign away my kingdom." Esmeralda knew she had a point, and a damn good one. Her plan was sound. Now to get him on board, she always knew how to appeal to him. Continuing, Esmeralda told Javier, "And of course, once the people are safe, you will come back and rescue me. Then we will show these invaders what it means to be from the Hill country!" Her eyes flashed, her race's blood lust coming to show.
Despite himself, Javier smiled. How he loved her when she was fiesty. He remembered many evenings showing her a defense move just to repeat it over and over and over until they were both perfect on it. When she set her mind to something, that was it. He knew he couldn't change her mind, and her plan had merit. It would save the people, and save her. But it was risky. So many things could go wrong, and he would be no where nearby to save her. Compromising, El Toro spoke, "I pick your guard then."
Smiling to herself, Esmeralda kissed him long and deeply. Getting him to do anything he didn't like, changing his mind always made her want him. She had wanted him for so long, but had been denied. Then he showed up after years of not speaking to her, and it was like they had picked up where they had left off. She was no longer the naive young princess losing her virginity to a man she didn't love. She had taken Javier as her lover the first chance she had gotten. She never regretted that decision, and was so glad she had. Her life had never been the same.
Fluttering her eyes coyly, she asked Javier, "How much longer before their pray time is over? We have to fly a flag before they launch their next offensive." Javier grinned. He responded, "Oh, I imagine that I have enough time to do some flying of my own flag before we have to fly the other flag." Reaching out, he pulled her tight next to him, finding himself amazed at how small she really was. He was always amazed. Leaning down to kiss her, he couldn't help but feel how 'right' this was.
To be continued.
Esmeralda had become his only solid thing over the years, the rock he held on to. After he left her in their hometown, he had traveled aimlessly, hiring himself out to whoever paid the most. He quickly earned a name for himself, and soon had men wanting to join him. His adventures with his troupe carried far and wide. On one of his stops back home, Javier had asked around and found out where Esmeralda had gone. The Oath had been weighing heavily on him, and Javier felt the need to be around Esmeralda. Not only did he hopelessly love her, but was magically bonded to her.
The first meeting between the two had been strained. Esmeralda couldn't reveal her true feelings for Javier, because she was the wife of a King, his Queen. And Javier could never reveal his feelings for Esmeralda or face certain death. After that meeting, Javier returned to mercenary life, but found it held no appeal for him anymore. He had amassed a large fortune, and no longer cared to risk life and limb for money.
Retiring, he traveled back to the Kingdom of D'rant, where his Queen reigned with her husband, their King. Making arrangements, and swearing fealty, El Toro soon became the commander of the Army. The Kingdom of D'rant was rich in minerals, but short on warriors. It's neighbors were always pillaging the outskirts, which why Esmeralda's wedding had been arranged. An alliance between the two countries had been formed.
Javier found the army in very bad shape. He spent a lot of time working with the king's men, and soon had a very fit garrison of men. Within six months, he had retrained most of the army, and was starting to look towards expanding the army and the kingdom's borders.
That was when the King was poisoned. Their neighbors to the East, the land of the Purins, had decided that they were tired of little raids and started to invade. They had sent a spy in to kill the King in order to create a greater disarray. Their plan had succeeded in killing the King, but that was as far as it went. Esmeralda rallied the people behind her, she had been an excellent and compassionate monarch and the people loved her. Since she had yet to bear a child for her husband, she was the defacto ruler,and the people had no problems with it.
As they were laying the good king to rest, mirrored messages reported that the Purins had decided to launch an army to attack the mining outpost on the Eastern edge of the Kingdom. Javier had wasted no time in rallying the troops and they had set to meet the invading army.
The men of D'rant fought bravely and fiercely, and with Javier's planning and tactics, they had quickly defeated the army. Having defeated the army, El Toro found out that it had been just a diversion to lay a siege to the castle. Plots within plots, the people of the Southern regions of the Land were just plain devious. Javier's people were much more straight foreward. You had an enemy, you fought them. Whoever died, lost. It was amazing how polite people became when faced with life being polite, or death.
Javier and his men had marched non-stop, throughout the night to arrive just in time to rouse the city and seal the gates before the hordes poured down through the passes, cutting off all lines of escape. The castle city had been built in a fertile valley in the Wayward Mountains. It had everything the people needed to survive when they had first settled here. Then they discovered minerals and jewels, and a kingdom had formed.Now it was their last refuge.
Coming back to the present, Javier found himself still staring into those beautiful golden eyes. They had changed now, harder, she had an idea. Stepping back, she turned and looked around the room. Spying a room in the back where they could talk, she turned back to him and spoke in her Queen voice, "Follow me, El Toro. We need to speak in private." Then she turned and headed into the room.
With no other choice, but than to follow her, El Toro strode into the room, closing the door behind him. Not sure what was going on, but not wanting to give her a chance to try to talk him out of his decision, he started to speak. "Esi," he began. But that was as far as he got. Esmeralda silenced him with a finger to his lips. Then she kissed him passionately.
"Now, listen to me, you stupid pig headed brute of a man. A brute that I love so desperately. I WILL NOT let you go to your death for me. Not when I can prevent it." Esmeralda spoke with feeling. Pausing to gather her breath, she went on. This was the hard part. "Javi, I know you mean well, but I cannot allow you to die today. This is what we are going to do. You are going to lead the people out of here through the old mine at the back of the castle. I will give you the royal map, it is the only one in existance. You will take the people to safety."
"NO!!!!" he exclaimed. He punched the wall hard. Dust drifted to the floor. "I will no more let you go to your death, than you wish to prevent me from mine." He was furious, and his tone conveyed every molecule of that anger.
"Javi!" Esmeralda used her pay-attention-to-me voice. She had used it so many times when they were younger. He instantly calmed down and looked at her. "I am not going to my death. The Sultar of Purin needs me alive. What I will do is ride out under a white flag to parlay. While we talk tonight, you and the people will escape. In the morning I will ride back out and refuse his terms of surrender." Esmeralda was stating her plan calmly, like a normal person talking about taking a stroll down by the river.
Javier looked at her a bit wide-eyed. Her plan had merit, but so many flaws. "What happens when you refuse? Do you think this Sultar will just let you walk away? Why would he need you alive?" Javier pointed out. His only hope now was to show her the flaws, appealing to her logic and reason.
"The Sultar needs me alive. If he wishes to conquer this Kingdom, he will need the people to work the mines. They are the only ones who know how, an outsider would be lost. These people grew up in the mines working, it is in their blood. The land of Purin is different. It is more of a wasteland, arid and dry. The wet moist air of the mountains make it hard for them to breathe. They need the people of D'rant to mine their riches, to farm the fields. The people of D'rant will fight to the death unless I convince them to surrender. The Sultar needs me alive to sign away my kingdom." Esmeralda knew she had a point, and a damn good one. Her plan was sound. Now to get him on board, she always knew how to appeal to him. Continuing, Esmeralda told Javier, "And of course, once the people are safe, you will come back and rescue me. Then we will show these invaders what it means to be from the Hill country!" Her eyes flashed, her race's blood lust coming to show.
Despite himself, Javier smiled. How he loved her when she was fiesty. He remembered many evenings showing her a defense move just to repeat it over and over and over until they were both perfect on it. When she set her mind to something, that was it. He knew he couldn't change her mind, and her plan had merit. It would save the people, and save her. But it was risky. So many things could go wrong, and he would be no where nearby to save her. Compromising, El Toro spoke, "I pick your guard then."
Smiling to herself, Esmeralda kissed him long and deeply. Getting him to do anything he didn't like, changing his mind always made her want him. She had wanted him for so long, but had been denied. Then he showed up after years of not speaking to her, and it was like they had picked up where they had left off. She was no longer the naive young princess losing her virginity to a man she didn't love. She had taken Javier as her lover the first chance she had gotten. She never regretted that decision, and was so glad she had. Her life had never been the same.
Fluttering her eyes coyly, she asked Javier, "How much longer before their pray time is over? We have to fly a flag before they launch their next offensive." Javier grinned. He responded, "Oh, I imagine that I have enough time to do some flying of my own flag before we have to fly the other flag." Reaching out, he pulled her tight next to him, finding himself amazed at how small she really was. He was always amazed. Leaning down to kiss her, he couldn't help but feel how 'right' this was.
To be continued.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Yes Your Highness - Part 1
He paused for a minute to rest underneath the shadow of one of the parapets. One of the few still standing. That in itself was a miracle. So many had fallen by this point, that he was thankful of every little piece of good news.
The siege had been on for going on three weeks now. If it wasn't for his Queen, he would have left long ago. These weren't his people. He had no business being here. They could rot in the deepest darkest of hells for all he cared. But for his Queen he would give his life.
He surveyed the walls. They were holding, cracked and pocked in a lot of places, but they were holding. He could make out the burn spots from the fire that the enemy had set with their own pots of boiling pitch. That was a nasty fight. He had almost lost his arm in that battle. If not for his armor, and luck of the gods, he would have caught that end.
He chuckled to himself wryly. If he believed the old witch woman, he was to die a death of old age and broken heart. With the way the situation was looking here, he had his doubts about that old woman. "Even though most of the things she said had come true...." he mused, ignoring his surroundings.
"El Toro, Come Quick. They are attacking again." He came too to find one of the pages pulling on his arm. The young lad was pointing at the East wall. They were attacking it again. This was the 4th time today. He wasn't sure how much longer it would last. Rallying himself together, El Toro, as the men called him, stood, donned his helmet and started striding to the battle. He knew that they weren't going to let up until everyone in the city was dead, or they surrendered. He would never allow his Queen to surrender, not as long as he had any fight in him. His people or not, he fought to save their lives.
El Toro, the men called him. And for good reason, He stood tall and strong above the people of this kingdom, head and shoulders above the average man, he came from a taller race of people. His armor was made of metal they were unfamiliar with - strong, but lightweight. And his helmet didn't help his name any. It had a pair of bullhorns on top. He had long ago gotten used to this name. His house was the Raging Bull. It was the helmet of his ancestor, it was his helmet. He was the last of his house, so he bore the name with Pride.
Soon he found himself atop the wall preparing to stave off this new wave of invaders. The invaders outnumbered the people of the city 3 to 1. But you wouldn't have known that from the way they fought. These people had the hearts of a lion. They were fighting for their lives and had risen to the occasion. Over and over he was surprised by the endurance of the people. By how they never quit. They continued to fight well. They good people for his Queen.
All thoughts of his Queen and the people were soon distant memories as he summoned up his energy and raised his sword to block the invaders cutlass. He didn't know how many times he had fought them, day and night. It all seemed to be one big battle. A never-ending slaughter. They were never going to quit. El Toro soon proved the main reason why people called him the Raging Bull. He fought with the intensity of a bull, he swings were powerful, quick and deadly. He had learned with the best, he was of a race of fighters, and with his size, he cut a huge path through any enemy. Nothing seemed to stop him.
As quickly as the attack begin, it was over. The invaders were either dead or had retreated. Leaving one of his Captains in charge of the clean-up and tending of the wounded, El Toro went in search of his Queen. It was getting to be dusk. As blood-thirsty as these invaders were, they never attacked during the hour of dusk. They prayed to their gods for that hour. He didn't care if they molested goats, he would always take any reprieve from the fighting. They prayed twice a day, dawn and dusk.
It didn't take him long to find his Queen. She was never far from the fighting, organizing the noncombatants to take care of wounded, making sure there was food. Her guard was never far from her, but she would send them into the battle if she felt it was necessary. She didn't need their help, he well knew, but they didn't know that. To them, she was the most precious treasure in the world.
El Toro had first met his Queen on her birth. A babe, just cleaned from the womb was presented to him in the ancient traditions. Following the instructions his father had taught him, El Toro lifted his hand and slit it from it to end. As the blood welled up, he repeated the incantation he had been taught, touching his bloody palm first to the child's chest - leaving a clear hand print, then to her head, and finally he had dripped his blood into her mouth, sealing his fate forever. The incantation he still remembered today.
"My Heart for your heart, My head for your head, My blood spilled before yours, I am your servant until my dying day. With my blood I serve you."
It was the custom of the day for two houses to unify themselves in such a manner. Especially for a princess. What no one had ever taken into effect was the beauty that she grew into. Being a few years older than her, Javier (as he was known then) took his oath to heart. He took care of her from an early age. When they played with other children, he made sure she was never hurt or bullied. He got into so many fights protecting her. As they got older, Javier was given instruction in the warrior way, while Esmeralda (the princess) was instructed in the way of governing people and the role of the Queen. Whenever they got together, they would spend hours alone. They were best friends, older brother, younger sister. He taught her the self-defense he was learning, how to use a sword, and she taught him about ruling people, what was right, what was wrong. She installed his moral character.
Then the time came for him to complete his instruction. He had to travel to another master's school in the high country for a period. She was to travel to a neighbor-king's family for more instruction. They were to part ways. It was agony for both of them, and they promised to write. And the letters came to him for a little while. But then they stopped coming. He put all of his energy into training. Soon, he was not only the top of the class, but ready for his master's test. No one had ever taken the tests so young. He had no troubles with them. Completed, he set out for home, determined to see his friend, Esmeralda again. She should have finished long before him.
But back home wasn't as he remembered it. He had grown, and it hadn't. He had become a larger man than most of his people, so everyone looked at him a little strange. He paid them no attention. He was focused only on finding Esmeralda. Finally reaching her house, he knocked on the door. Esmeralda opened the door, and Javier was stunned. He wasn't the only one who had matured. While Esmeralda was no taller, she had grown in many ways, developing into a beautiful woman. She was a little short, with pale skin, and long dark black hair. Her body was curvy in the right places, Javier was floored. He would never look at her the same way again. He was instantly in love.
Esmeralda exclaimed in happiness and hugged Javier tight. She was so happy to see him. She had so much to tell him. She had met a great prince and was getting married. She was leaving in a few weeks to go to his kingdom for the wedding. Esmeralda went on and on about what had happened and all the people she had met, gushing away, happy to see her friend.
Javier heard none of it. His heart had broken that instant. He remembered that while he would give his life for her, he could never have her. She was a princess and he was a warrior, a fighting man, a lowly lord that could never hope to achieve what had formed in his mind. He had somehow thought she might have feelings for him too. But now she was getting married.
"Javi, Javi, are you ok?" Esmeralda asked him, using her pet name for him. "I'm fine," came his lie. His training had taken over, leaving him emotionless and cold. "I just came by to tell you that I am leaving. I have been shipped out to the border."
"Really?" Esmeralda was disappointed. "I don't have to leave for a few days, I was hoping we could catch up." She looked at him with her pouty gold eyes. His heart withered to dust, and his soul screamed at him. But his face remained blank, showing nothing inside. "Yes. I am on my way to the tram station now."
"But I thought you were the most accomplished student there, shouldn't they reward you with a commission or something?" She really wanted to talk with him. He was so inside of his own mind, searching for an escape that he didn't see it.
"No, that must have been someone else. I worked hard, but not hard enough it seems. I have to go now, or I will get in trouble." Javier gave her a small hug and turned and walked away never looking back. She was not his problem anymore. He never saw the tears in her eyes.
"Javier" her voice came like a lightning bolt bringing him out of his memories. Blinking his blurry eyes, he peered down at her. No matter how many years had passed he still saw that same beautiful woman. She smiled up at him. "I hope I was nice to you in your daydream," she teased him. She now knew ALL of his intimate details. Despite himself, that brought a smile to his lips. She always knew how to make him smile. Of course he desired her, he always had and she knew it.
Renewed, he asked her how she was. Shaking her head, Esmeralda said, "You didn't come here to inquire after my health, Javier, you came for a reason. You always do." She smiled to ease her slight criticism. The years of companionship had taught them many things about the other, Esmeralda knew how to talk to him.
Nodding his head and chuckling, Javier said, "Aye, my Queen, you always did know me." Addressing her so, Esmeralda drew herself up a little, he only called her that when it was important. "It is time for you to leave my Queen. You and the other people. A small group of us will stay and hold them off as long as possible, giving you time to get away. But get away you MUST!" El Toro was empathic. She may be the Queen, but he had sworn his life for hers.
Esmeralda was quiet. "What about you?" she asked. This was no longer a Queen speaking to her General, but a lover speaking to a partner, a wife speaking to a husband. "Am I to condemn you to your death? Do you not think I will die too? I do not love you lightly." her voice was soft. No one else could hear her.
Javier looked down into her eyes, he could see the pain in them, the love, the hurt, the need for him. "But there is no other choice. My heart before your heart, my head before your head, my blood before your blood. I swore the Oath." was his quiet response.
Shaking her head, she replied, "No, my bull my love, that is no longer enough of a reason."
To be continued.
The siege had been on for going on three weeks now. If it wasn't for his Queen, he would have left long ago. These weren't his people. He had no business being here. They could rot in the deepest darkest of hells for all he cared. But for his Queen he would give his life.
He surveyed the walls. They were holding, cracked and pocked in a lot of places, but they were holding. He could make out the burn spots from the fire that the enemy had set with their own pots of boiling pitch. That was a nasty fight. He had almost lost his arm in that battle. If not for his armor, and luck of the gods, he would have caught that end.
He chuckled to himself wryly. If he believed the old witch woman, he was to die a death of old age and broken heart. With the way the situation was looking here, he had his doubts about that old woman. "Even though most of the things she said had come true...." he mused, ignoring his surroundings.
"El Toro, Come Quick. They are attacking again." He came too to find one of the pages pulling on his arm. The young lad was pointing at the East wall. They were attacking it again. This was the 4th time today. He wasn't sure how much longer it would last. Rallying himself together, El Toro, as the men called him, stood, donned his helmet and started striding to the battle. He knew that they weren't going to let up until everyone in the city was dead, or they surrendered. He would never allow his Queen to surrender, not as long as he had any fight in him. His people or not, he fought to save their lives.
El Toro, the men called him. And for good reason, He stood tall and strong above the people of this kingdom, head and shoulders above the average man, he came from a taller race of people. His armor was made of metal they were unfamiliar with - strong, but lightweight. And his helmet didn't help his name any. It had a pair of bullhorns on top. He had long ago gotten used to this name. His house was the Raging Bull. It was the helmet of his ancestor, it was his helmet. He was the last of his house, so he bore the name with Pride.
Soon he found himself atop the wall preparing to stave off this new wave of invaders. The invaders outnumbered the people of the city 3 to 1. But you wouldn't have known that from the way they fought. These people had the hearts of a lion. They were fighting for their lives and had risen to the occasion. Over and over he was surprised by the endurance of the people. By how they never quit. They continued to fight well. They good people for his Queen.
All thoughts of his Queen and the people were soon distant memories as he summoned up his energy and raised his sword to block the invaders cutlass. He didn't know how many times he had fought them, day and night. It all seemed to be one big battle. A never-ending slaughter. They were never going to quit. El Toro soon proved the main reason why people called him the Raging Bull. He fought with the intensity of a bull, he swings were powerful, quick and deadly. He had learned with the best, he was of a race of fighters, and with his size, he cut a huge path through any enemy. Nothing seemed to stop him.
As quickly as the attack begin, it was over. The invaders were either dead or had retreated. Leaving one of his Captains in charge of the clean-up and tending of the wounded, El Toro went in search of his Queen. It was getting to be dusk. As blood-thirsty as these invaders were, they never attacked during the hour of dusk. They prayed to their gods for that hour. He didn't care if they molested goats, he would always take any reprieve from the fighting. They prayed twice a day, dawn and dusk.
It didn't take him long to find his Queen. She was never far from the fighting, organizing the noncombatants to take care of wounded, making sure there was food. Her guard was never far from her, but she would send them into the battle if she felt it was necessary. She didn't need their help, he well knew, but they didn't know that. To them, she was the most precious treasure in the world.
El Toro had first met his Queen on her birth. A babe, just cleaned from the womb was presented to him in the ancient traditions. Following the instructions his father had taught him, El Toro lifted his hand and slit it from it to end. As the blood welled up, he repeated the incantation he had been taught, touching his bloody palm first to the child's chest - leaving a clear hand print, then to her head, and finally he had dripped his blood into her mouth, sealing his fate forever. The incantation he still remembered today.
"My Heart for your heart, My head for your head, My blood spilled before yours, I am your servant until my dying day. With my blood I serve you."
It was the custom of the day for two houses to unify themselves in such a manner. Especially for a princess. What no one had ever taken into effect was the beauty that she grew into. Being a few years older than her, Javier (as he was known then) took his oath to heart. He took care of her from an early age. When they played with other children, he made sure she was never hurt or bullied. He got into so many fights protecting her. As they got older, Javier was given instruction in the warrior way, while Esmeralda (the princess) was instructed in the way of governing people and the role of the Queen. Whenever they got together, they would spend hours alone. They were best friends, older brother, younger sister. He taught her the self-defense he was learning, how to use a sword, and she taught him about ruling people, what was right, what was wrong. She installed his moral character.
Then the time came for him to complete his instruction. He had to travel to another master's school in the high country for a period. She was to travel to a neighbor-king's family for more instruction. They were to part ways. It was agony for both of them, and they promised to write. And the letters came to him for a little while. But then they stopped coming. He put all of his energy into training. Soon, he was not only the top of the class, but ready for his master's test. No one had ever taken the tests so young. He had no troubles with them. Completed, he set out for home, determined to see his friend, Esmeralda again. She should have finished long before him.
But back home wasn't as he remembered it. He had grown, and it hadn't. He had become a larger man than most of his people, so everyone looked at him a little strange. He paid them no attention. He was focused only on finding Esmeralda. Finally reaching her house, he knocked on the door. Esmeralda opened the door, and Javier was stunned. He wasn't the only one who had matured. While Esmeralda was no taller, she had grown in many ways, developing into a beautiful woman. She was a little short, with pale skin, and long dark black hair. Her body was curvy in the right places, Javier was floored. He would never look at her the same way again. He was instantly in love.
Esmeralda exclaimed in happiness and hugged Javier tight. She was so happy to see him. She had so much to tell him. She had met a great prince and was getting married. She was leaving in a few weeks to go to his kingdom for the wedding. Esmeralda went on and on about what had happened and all the people she had met, gushing away, happy to see her friend.
Javier heard none of it. His heart had broken that instant. He remembered that while he would give his life for her, he could never have her. She was a princess and he was a warrior, a fighting man, a lowly lord that could never hope to achieve what had formed in his mind. He had somehow thought she might have feelings for him too. But now she was getting married.
"Javi, Javi, are you ok?" Esmeralda asked him, using her pet name for him. "I'm fine," came his lie. His training had taken over, leaving him emotionless and cold. "I just came by to tell you that I am leaving. I have been shipped out to the border."
"Really?" Esmeralda was disappointed. "I don't have to leave for a few days, I was hoping we could catch up." She looked at him with her pouty gold eyes. His heart withered to dust, and his soul screamed at him. But his face remained blank, showing nothing inside. "Yes. I am on my way to the tram station now."
"But I thought you were the most accomplished student there, shouldn't they reward you with a commission or something?" She really wanted to talk with him. He was so inside of his own mind, searching for an escape that he didn't see it.
"No, that must have been someone else. I worked hard, but not hard enough it seems. I have to go now, or I will get in trouble." Javier gave her a small hug and turned and walked away never looking back. She was not his problem anymore. He never saw the tears in her eyes.
"Javier" her voice came like a lightning bolt bringing him out of his memories. Blinking his blurry eyes, he peered down at her. No matter how many years had passed he still saw that same beautiful woman. She smiled up at him. "I hope I was nice to you in your daydream," she teased him. She now knew ALL of his intimate details. Despite himself, that brought a smile to his lips. She always knew how to make him smile. Of course he desired her, he always had and she knew it.
Renewed, he asked her how she was. Shaking her head, Esmeralda said, "You didn't come here to inquire after my health, Javier, you came for a reason. You always do." She smiled to ease her slight criticism. The years of companionship had taught them many things about the other, Esmeralda knew how to talk to him.
Nodding his head and chuckling, Javier said, "Aye, my Queen, you always did know me." Addressing her so, Esmeralda drew herself up a little, he only called her that when it was important. "It is time for you to leave my Queen. You and the other people. A small group of us will stay and hold them off as long as possible, giving you time to get away. But get away you MUST!" El Toro was empathic. She may be the Queen, but he had sworn his life for hers.
Esmeralda was quiet. "What about you?" she asked. This was no longer a Queen speaking to her General, but a lover speaking to a partner, a wife speaking to a husband. "Am I to condemn you to your death? Do you not think I will die too? I do not love you lightly." her voice was soft. No one else could hear her.
Javier looked down into her eyes, he could see the pain in them, the love, the hurt, the need for him. "But there is no other choice. My heart before your heart, my head before your head, my blood before your blood. I swore the Oath." was his quiet response.
Shaking her head, she replied, "No, my bull my love, that is no longer enough of a reason."
To be continued.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sleep
Its late at night
That I hear the call
Whispering, wanting,
Must have it all.
During the day
I hear that sirens song,
Hiding and seeking,
Making the day long.
An old friend,
It has been around
A very long time,
It exacts not an inch, but the pound.
It sneaks up on you
In the early afternoon,
Wants your attention
And your mood.
I wish I could live without it,
Yes, that would be grand.
If I could live without it,
I would be a new man.
Sleep, you're my family,
Friend and foe.
Without you I drag,
So its off to sleep I go.
That I hear the call
Whispering, wanting,
Must have it all.
During the day
I hear that sirens song,
Hiding and seeking,
Making the day long.
An old friend,
It has been around
A very long time,
It exacts not an inch, but the pound.
It sneaks up on you
In the early afternoon,
Wants your attention
And your mood.
I wish I could live without it,
Yes, that would be grand.
If I could live without it,
I would be a new man.
Sleep, you're my family,
Friend and foe.
Without you I drag,
So its off to sleep I go.
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shoes
The toes were slightly curled as if to show they were molded for the users feet. Ready for wear, ready to run. A quick glance around revealed no one in the vicinity. Surely no one would leave them here untended. These were loved members of the family.
Yet his precursory glances caught no glimpses of another person nearby. His imagination started running. Why ever would someone tuck away a pair of shoes here so neatly? They been placed with care and purpose. However, no owner was nearby to claim possession.
Sitting, taking his time, he wondered what could have happened to these shoes to have brought them to this place? He wondered what story they would tell? Did they wonder what was going on as their owner walked away from them? Was he shoe-less? Or maybe they were thrown from a truck and someone else had carefully placed them there? But that didn't make sense. Why would someone else place the shoes like that? A gardener? But then, wouldn't he have just thrown them away?
He was mightily perplexed. This was a mystery of the biggest kind. The sort of worry that would consume you, keep you up at night. He HAD to know the answers!
His brow furrowed in thought, he pondered. Maybe someone had set them there before taking a nap in the grass, it was a nice day. Then they had to leave in a hurry, so left the shoes there. "That was possible," he thought, "but wouldn't they have at least grabbed the shoes on their way out.
Obviously they had been thought enough of to have been placed with such care, surely this person cared enough about these shoes to have come back for them.
He sat and thought, and thought, and thought. His mind wouldn't let go of the problem. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he looked around him. This was just going to have to go down as one of the great mysteries of life. He shrugged his shoulders, gathered his GPS and headed to the next cache, and adventure.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Clouds
He lay on his back watching the clouds pass by. He had no thoughts in his head, just observing nature. The song still echoed inside. He could feel it start in his toes, vibrate up his legs, shake through his gut, burn out his lungs, and escape through his throat in the form of a simple sigh.
And still the clouds drifted by.
Thoughts echoed in his head, thoughts of days past, thoughts of future plans. How much could one expect of life? People always told him to make himself happy. But he no longer knew what that was. He was lost in sea of uncertainty and confusion. If he listened to what people told him, he would have had a completely different life.
He turned his head and looked at the trees on his right. Mother Nature paid humankind no attention. She was going to do what she wanted to do, and there was not much you could do about it. And that was the way of life. It happened every second of the day, and there was no stopping it.
It was so ironic. There were days when he was sure that Fate hated him, or God, or whatever you believed in. His heart wasn't his to control, his desires never faded. Yet that which he wanted, he would never be able to have. And no amount of wishing or anything could change what was.
And still the clouds passed, serving a reminder that no matter the problems he had in his life, no once cared. Everyone had their problems and most were just as oblivious to someone else's as the clouds were to his. It was easy to tell someone else how they should live their life, and a lot harder to live one's own.
And still the clouds just passed on by.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Speed
It was the feel of the engine, the rush of the wind. They spoke to him. He couldn't explain it. He couldn't explain why he did it. Why he felt that need.
It was an adrenaline rush weaving between the cars. He was going so fast now that he didn't pay attention to the speedometer. He knew how fast he was going from the hum of the motor. It wasn't even wound up yet, he had thousands of RPM to go. He came upon a car in the left lane, a quick glance and he was changing lanes. Accerlate, there was the open road. Faster he went.
He could hear the wind rush by the car. He could hear the air screaming his name as it rushed by, encouraging him on. It knew that there was more to give. His foot sank on the pedal, the car leaped forward.
He didn't understand why he lived so dangerously. He had so much to live for. A great job, a fantastic wife, his monetary needs had been met and then some. He was blessed with children, and a deep devotion for God and country. And yet he didn't feel alive until he set down behind a wheel of a car. The engine would roar to live and with it his heart. The faster he drove, the faster his heart pumped. It was his drug.
While he made enough money to purchase a fancy sportscar, he found something satisfying about driving a non-descript family car at break-neck speeds. He just liked going fast. He liked making people blink and think to their-selves, "Did I just see that? Was that even possible?" Voom, he was gone.
Inside the city now, he didn't even slow. His eyes were everywhere, back and forth, taking in everything. His brain was running overtime, instaneous decisions flashing before his eyes. Blinker blinking, accelerating, passing the cars. Faster and faster. It was a blur now. Traffic merging in from the right at a blinding rate. Crossing fours lanes to the right and then back to the left, around the eighteen wheeler and back out in front. He pressed the pedal. He had no idea how fast he was going, he just keep going.
Once again mild-mannered well behaved, his monster had been tamed, the demon satisfied. He knew it was never enough, he would always want more. But for now, today, he could live normally again.
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