and the silence was deafening

The silence was deafening. 
He thought for sure he would have heard something by now, but the quiet remained. 
Life was surreal nowadays.  Nothing had been the same.  The laughter was a little forced,  the smiles fake.  The pills made him go through the day, numb unfeeling. He just went through the motions,  the process of being alive. 
As he lay there,  he realized he would give everything up for a laugh.  A giggle.  The twinkle in her eye. Instead,  he found nothing. Just clicking of a keyboard. 
Silence. 
The memories just never went away,  like she was in his bloodstream,  in his head,  in his heart.  But unattainable,  like trying to hold the moon in your hands.  It seems possible until you try,  then you are left with nothing. 
Silence. 
He never understood why.  He knew the reasons, logically,  but his heart just cried.  And cried and cried. 
He found another and tried to pretend,  but realized that he couldn't ever fill that hole that she left. 
Silence.
It was deafening.  Maddeningly quiet and still.  He felt insane.  The pills only numbed him, they didn't remove the desire.  They didn't quiet the monster. It screamed to be realized, to be released,  to taste her. Her moisture,  her desire,  her seductiveness. He longed for the days when hours would go by without a word only to break the silence with a hello.
He dreamed of her in his arms,  of things they did,  the closeness they shared. 
Silence.
Life was a dream now,  maybe a nightmare. It was full of misery and sadness and longing. His life was full of regret.  And only she could solve it. 
Silence. 
It was all he had now.  All he knew. 
Better to fade away into the night, his desire wouldn't be controlled. 
Good night,  sweetness. Good bye, kind heart. 
He wished he could see her smile,  hear her laugh, kiss her mouth and hold her tight and never ever let go. 
Instead,  silence reigned. 
It was deafening.  

The silence screams the loudest

Round.  Cylindrical. I could see the grooves spiraling into the darkness.  Down and down. 
I squeezed the trigger.  Nothing happens.  Just like the last time.  And the 100 times before it.  It didn't work.  I've tried.
A simple thing really.  A stretched out spring.  A broken connection.  Minor things that I could repair.  Then bang.  The end would be sweet.  Sweet relief from myself.  Freedom from the world that no longer desires me.  Freedom.
Click.  Nothing happens.
I could try this a thousand times and nothing would change. 
Click.
There are other ways.  Messy, brutal.  Nothing quick.  Nothing quiet.
My long term desire have come to fruition.  I stopped caring about my health and am slowly dying.
Click.
The tragedy is that it won't happen fast enough. 
Tragedy.
That is my life.
Click.
Some get a comedy,  some get happiness,  some get satisfaction. 
I get the emptiness. I get the loneliness.  The desire to belong without ever letting anyone actually know me.  I'm too good at goodbyes.  I never say them.  I just disappear.
Click.
There's no leaving except this way now.
Click.
Click.
Click. 

Insanity, my old friend, I've come to walk with you again

Sober thoughts circle the mind at 2 a.m.
That which was, 
or that which was never meant to be.
 What was, isn't.
What will be remains to be seen. 
I am the ghost in the silence of the night,  forever wandering. 

End of my rope

I'm at the end of my rope.  Not sure if I can hold on or let go and get rid of the stress.

Missed occasions

Did you see me today? Standing behind you in line at the coffee store? I heard you order your skinny mocha latte with no foam.  I tried to pretend I hadn't.  The instinct to flee the situation rose hard inside me.  Maybe that wasn't you,  maybe it was my imagination. 
It wasn't though.  I'm not that lucky.  I had buried my face in the paper,  slowly moving forward like the rest of the sheep, hoping that i was wrong.  And then you begin berating the poor guy who made your drink wrong.  Why can't you be normal,  why can't you just order a coffee?
I left,  I couldn't stand it any more.  I didn't need the coffee anymore anyway.  I was awake now.  The blood pumping through my veins, ice cold,  like the breath of death was on my skin.  I could feel death laughing behind me, rejoicing in my discomfort; he does this often. 
I thought a walk would clear my head,  I didn't have to go far,  but it was far enough.  Three blocks in and I regretted my decision.  There you were ahead of me getting on a bus,  looking sad as wistful.  My heart ached and I wanted to go to you.  But I didn't move.  My mind refused to listen to the impulses of my heart.  My body continued walking. 
I don't know why I'm tormented with the sight of you.  Every time,  my heart skips a beat,  my pulse races,  and my mouth goes dry.  Am I that afraid to have to speak to you?
The walk was short,  yet seemed an eternity.  How was that even possible? How does time stop yet move forwards at the same time? I saw you every where I looked.  The woman on the bench resting.  The old man feeding the pigeons,  they were all you.  How could i be surrounded by you, yet feel so very alone?
I entered my building,  hoping my task would ease my sorrow.  I was wrong.  You can't escape your heart,  you can't escape your demons. You can't escape your past.  I rode the elevator in silence,  refusing to make eye contact with anyone,  I didn't want to see your eyes staring through my soul.  I rode past my floor three times without realizing it,  so lost I was in my sorrow.  I couldn't take it any more.  I walked past my desk and stared out the window.  I wonder what it would feel like to fly through the air.  Would I feel the stop at the end?
I realized that the tears were streaming down my face.  You have broken me.  I can't anymore.
I didn't remember reaching the roof,  I didn't remember stepping over,  I just hoped the pain would end quickly. 

On a leash

On a leash

The collar dug into her neck, choking her momentarily. This wasn't how her day was supposed to have gone. They were just going to meet for coffee. A quick meet and greet. Then they could from there. She was still fuzzy on what had happened, but not on the situation she was in. Naked, bound and being led into the woods, no this wasn't right at all.

He had seemed so nice, quiet, attentive, funny, attractive, the kind of guy who was dreamy. A catch for any woman, or so she had thought. Their conversation had been light, fun. She remembered going to the bathroom, coming back, finishing her coffee and then he suggested a walk in the park. She was into him, so why not? That's where things got fuzzy. She remembered walking into the park, but nothing else.

A hard tug on her leash brought her back to reality. Any other time, she would love to be bound and leashed, but this was scary. She risked raising her eyes to her abductor. It was the same charming guy, except now in the shadows, he seemed harder and more sinister. She didn't look long, the bruises from her earlier spanking reminder her not to look at him. Or escape. She had tried running earlier. She didn't get far before he had caught her. She still could feel the roughness of his pants on her breasts. She shivered, and felt her nipples harden. As scary as it was, he was turning her on.

Suddenly, they came into a clearing in the middle of the woods. The man came to a stop, pulling her leash so that she came to a stop beside him. He turned his head, and looked her up and down. She felt a gush in her loins, and fear in her heart. She was going to die here. He smiled as if he knew what she was thinking. She opened her mouth to scream again, even if he beat her senseless. But he was ready, before she could finish drawing a breath, he was shoving a ball gag into her mouth. Quickly, he fastened it behind her head before she could struggle. Bound, gagged, and completely at his mercy, she really got scared. This was it, she feared.

He started walking again, pulling on her leash, towards the center of the clearing. There lay a fallen tree, about knee height off the ground. It looked like a bench of sorts with an opening between the ground and trunk. Walking straight the trunk, he stopped in front, pulling her beside him again. Turning, he put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her to her knees. Then, using his weight, he pushed her against the trunk and pulled her arms over the top. Undoing the leash, he attached to her hand restraints and then pulled it underneath. Making her stand again, he bent her over the tree and pulled the leash tight, tying her to the tree. Her breasts were sore from the rough bark and hurting. She was bent over and her ass in the air spread open.

Once she was secured, he stood behind her, caressing her ass. She was frightened, and turned on. She wanted to be spanked so bad, wanted him to fuck her so hard, her pussy started leaking. It was what he was waiting for, acceptance. Anything to keep from dying.  She was terrified,  and eager,  excited beyond belief.

She heard him unzip his pants, and then heard them fall to the ground. She braced herself for the hard cock that she knew was coming, that she needed to come.

Slap!

The hand connecting with her ass surprised her.

Slap! The hand came again, harder. She came a little, her knees buckling slightly.

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

He was alternating hands, hitting her quickly and hard, stinging, bringing tears to her eyes. Her pussy was pouring juices, her legs were wet. Then, with without any warning, he shoved his hard cock into her. Her pussy tightened around his shaft drawing him deep inside. She came, and came, her legs giving out. She was supported by his cock and the rough tree. It felt so good. He felt so good inside her. God, did she need this. Recovering, she stood and pushed her ass back into him, pushing his cock deeper inside her, saying fuck me, fuck me hard. Take me now.

He responded by pumping her hard. The motion was pushing her breasts into the rough, hard bark of the tree,  ripping the gentle skin of her breasts, causing them to bleed. She just bit the gag hard and let him fuck her. She would cum every few minutes, but he just kept thrusting. Finally, when she thought she just couldn't take anymore, he stopped. He pulled his cock from her soaking wet pussy. It was dripping with her juices. He walked around until he was facing her. Slowly, he removed her gag. She understood, she wanted to taste him, her juices on his cock. She wanted his cum in her, mouth or pussy, she needed it. She opened her mouth wide, he slid his cock in, all the way in, all the way to the back of her throat. She gagged a little, then relaxed and opened her mouth wider. He started thrusting, she could his balls tighten, and she started swallowing. He plunged in deep, and blew his load down her throat.

Finished, he stepped back and looked at her. Finally speaking, he asked one question, "are ready to come home with me?"

She froze.  It was a life.  She could possibly escape.  She wouldn't die here today.  She swallowed the cum in her mouth,  it was sweet as well as salty.  She could taste herself on her tongue.  She realized she no longer felt any fear.  She felt alive.  Her nipples burned,  her legs ached and she wanted to pee and lay down.  She also wanted to be fucked again.

She lifted her head and looked him in the eye.  “Only if you can fuck me until I beg you to stop.  Otherwise,  you aren't man enough for me.” As if on cue,  his cock started rising.  He smiled,  and started walking back behind her.  She felt his hand slide down her back,  pimpling the skin with his touch.  The sun was starting to descend and the temperature was dropping.  But her vagina was steaming.  She felt his hand glide down the sweat on her butt,  down the crack,  and to her swollen dripping lips.  She felt his fingers part her labia and slide into her.  She moaned,  desperate for the climax she deserved.  He thrust with such intensity she bit her lip,  drawing blood.  He pushed in so hard, her ass rose in the air and his balls slapped her clit. He pounded with an intensity that made the earlier sex seem like love making.  The only sounds were his grunting and the slapping of his balls against her.  Her eyes rolled back in her head,  her toes started to curl,  and the largest penis she had ever encountered was shoved into her mouth, choking her.  She came so hard,  she pushed the guy behind her out. Her eyes snapped open to see a monstrous black cock and balls being removed from her sore jaws.  She heard a deep voice say,  “I guess I need to fuck this Philly into submission. Come finish in her mouth again.  I'll make sure she always does what you say the first time.”

She got scared again,  she couldn't possibly fit him.  But as she opened her mouth to protest,  his member shoved itself into her throat.  Which muffled her scream as the black man shoved his monstrous cock into her wet vagina.  She didn't remember much after that,  the waves of pleasure were too intense and she blacked out at some point.

She came to on a mattress.  She was a little confused at first,  then she realized that both the men were on either side of her.  She contemplated escaping,  until she looked down at their nakedness.  Smiling she reached out and started stroking each one.  She was finally home.  And needed to be fucked again.  

Alone

He had never known what it really meant to be alone. But this was it. Truly and utterly alone. No one cared anymore, he had burnt all his bridges, eschewed all company. And he found himself here. Utterly alone.
He could hear the voices through the door, the laughter, the chatter, they knew not he was outside, he hadn't even been invited. But he had garnered that there was an occasion. He knew if he walked in, all conversation would stop. Like a shot fired, everyone would freeze and turn towards the door. He wasn't supposed to be there, he hadn't invited and they knew it. And he knew why. He was diseased in the mind, something wrong with him. No one wanted to say it out loud, but their stares, the silence spoke volumes. He was adapt at resting the body language. He knew he had become a pariah. So many years he had been on top, guiding the future. But once he fail, he no longer existed. They had all prospered from his work, grown rich and fat. But it was all forgotten in a moment.
He turned and walked away. They were right, he was nothing. And like nothing, he disappeared into the night. He was alone, it was his destiny, he never deserved anything different. That was what was meant to be. He embraced it, threw it over his shoulders like a cloak.
It was what was meant to be

Lust

There it was again, that look in her eyes. No matter what she said, how she denied it, he saw it. Hungry, longing, it was the animal inside her. She could deny it, but he saw. He always saw it, it was like he sensed. Perhaps it was a pheromone that the women released when sexually turned on. He caught it every time. Tonight she reeked of desire, how could one not smell it? It was distracting him from thought.

Two weeks since he had seen her last, not since she got back with the boyfriend. He chuckled to himself, silently. You could always tell when a woman desired you, you stopped seeing or hearing from them when they got a boyfriend. Regular friends keep regular conversations, lovers have long periods of silence. But here she was, in front of him, talking business. She wanted in. But they both knew that she wanted sex. Why would she come so scantily dressed? She knew she turned him on, she liked the flirtation. And she still came by wearing next to nothing with a boyfriend.

The conversation turned from work to other things to significant others and then to sex. It always came back to sex. His lust was at a frenzied peak, he wanted to slam her against the wall and kiss her deeply. He could feel her resist at first, then succumb to the desire she fought. It was passionate, enticing, and consuming. She kissed him back hard, her nipples diamonds against his chest. He felt her hand encircle his cock, feeling him out. She felt her get a second grip around, then she got a second hand on his member. He was fully erect now, she was caressing his cock lovingly, excited to have it her. She had never had a cock that thick before, her pussy started getting wet with the idea.

Seizing upon her acceptance, he picked her up, her legs naturally encircling his waist, the tip of his cock pushing into her wet pussy through the clothes. She couldn't wait to have him in her. He carried her into his bedroom, throwing her on the bed like a doll. She loved how strong he was, the fact he could throw her around excited her to no end. She couldn't get at his cock fast enough. But he was faster, pulling her shorts off, he dropped his drawers, she eagerly removed her top. She was proud of her body, and it showed in her ripped stomach and tight arms and legs. Fit. Her breasts were smaller but the nipples large. He wanted to spend hours with them, but he needed release first.

His cock hurt from being so erect, he needed to fuck her. He pulled her hips to him, pulling her to the end of the bed, the head of his cock was reading on her clit. Free could feel the heat coming from her pussy. He liked to play with his women at this point, building the suspense before sticking it in. But he couldn't, for she had the most beautiful pussy he had ever seen. He didn't admire the beauty for long as she spoke, in guttural voice, begging him to fuck her. He wasted no more time and pushed the head of his dick into her hot steamy love canal. He shoved all the way in roughly, until he was fully penetrated. He felt her muscles tighten, and she cried out, oh god I'm coming. He felt the wetness run down his thigh, it was exquisite. He savored the feeling for a moment and then pulled almost all the way out before ramming it back in. Over and over, he stretched her pussy with his cock. He lost count of the times she came, her pussy was a vice grip against his cock. Finally, unable to resist any longer, he told her he was going to cum. She told him she wanted his child and to cum in her. He blew his load deep inside, she felt it enter her cervix hoping she had his child. She wanted this forever. He felt so good filling her up.

Pulling out, he laid down beside and looked in her eyes. "Was it good for you, Tess?"
She stared at him for a long time. He looked around the room, she had finished talking about work and wanted an answer. He had been fantasizing again.  He looked her in the eye, the hunger apparent. She opened her mouth, and said "will you please fuck me now?"

Inner secrets

I wasn't sure how I knew, but I did. I knew as soon as I saw her. You can't fake that pain. How long had she been crying? I hadn't really been paying attention, but as soon as I saw her face, I knew she was.
This wasn't a little tear in the eye like sadness, no, this was deep soul crushing anguish. The kind that came from the depths of your being, welling up like a volcano until it explodes. Did she cry out when it happened? Something uncontrolled and unintelligible, a guttural sound. Did the tears burst forth? My eyes welled in response to her anguish, empathic thoughts reaching out wanting to share her pain. No one should have to go through that alone, that pain, that hurt. I wanted to engulf her in my arms and pull her up close to me, hold her tight as she sobbed it out.
I wondered what would cause a person to feel such great wrenching anguish. The death of a loved one? That seemed a good cause, I struggled to think of others. A divorce, perhaps, or a breakup. Those would certainly cause that sort of emotion. "What else?", I wondered. Then I thought about how clinical my mind was, a moment ago I was empathizing with her and showing emotion, now I was examining her mind and trying to understand grief. Did I even feel anything anymore? Was I even human?
I looked at her again, she was clearly struggling to calm herself. You could the visible strain in her jaw, the quiver of muscles. Her hand rested to the side of her mouth, fingers laid over the lips to keep them still. I wanted to hug her, comfort her. But I sat still. I let her turn and leave, I said nothing.
What kind of person had I become? So scared of society and their rules that I became a fringe of society, an untouchable. An undesirable person. Pariah. A ghost. My life secret and discreet, I stepped back and disappeared. Those who would miss me have long been forgotten.
Then I understood. Why she cried like that. Alone. She was alone and couldn't take it anymore. Bereft of human contact, she existed in a bubble, her own world. She was the exact same as me. Alone. I felt the volcano inside. Fuel for me to be alone. I didn't belong in this world anymore. With the tears welling in my eyes, I stepped into the fog to disappear and to dwell alone.

Lust

She sat across the couch from him,  the joint in her hand. She brought it to her plum passion lipstick covered lips, and slowly inhaled. She watched him from the corner of her eye, did he see her breasts rise with the inhale? Three hours she had spent on getting ready, makeup, hair, clothes, her breasts hurt from the corset but they were so juicy and in your face like this.
For weeks, she had dropped hints, made comments, been completely open about her desire. He was the man she had been seeking, caring, friendly, nice, intelligent, attractive, strong, and he could smoke with the best of them. She got wet thinking about him taking her from behind, just pushing her over and taking what there both knew he wanted. She was a sexual entity and needed to be loved, to feel his rough hands on her smooth alabaster skin. He had her trust, he was always so kind, but she knew the Dom she was seeking his within. She just had to bring it out.
Taking the joint from her, he looked at her beauty. She was dressed up again, her breasts barely contained within her dress. Her hair was all curly, and her lips the most glorious shade of purple. He knew she had been looking at him all night. She knew his reasons for not making a move, she knew the problems, but tonight she felt like the solution. He longed to put his hand behind her head and draw her in for a kiss. Deciding to go for it, he asked if she wanted a gun. She nodded agreement, now was his chance, leaning in he gently blew the smoke from the joint from his mouth to hers, their lips so close together, he closed the gap and kissed her. Her eyes got wide and she pulled away inhaling. He pulled the joint from his lips and went to ash it. He had blown it, it was too much too soon. She probably wasn't attracted to him that way anyway. He heard her coughing from the exhale, but before he could raise his head to check on her, he felt her hand on his arm. He looked down at the hand, resting on his arm, he followed the arm up to the face. Her lips were parted, her cheeks flushed. He gazed into her eyes, he had dreamt of her naked in his arms so many times it was finally coming to fulfillment. Her hand came off his arm and traveled to his cock, resting gently on the bulge of his pants. She leaned in and kissed him hard, her desire taking over, her hand squeezed his penis through his pants as her tongue went into his mouth.
He wasn't really sure how they ended up in his room, or where her clothes went, but he was sure that her breasts were full and firm and fit so beautifully in his palms. He knew that her stomach was tight and rigid and that her pussy was completely shaven. He also knew that the feeling in his balls had everything to do with the most amazing blowjob he had ever had. Her lips slid smooth up and down his shaft as she took him into the back of her throat sucking his manhood deep. She broke free with a loud slurping sound finishing with a pop. His balls ached, but he wanted to come inside that beautiful pussy. Before she could go back to sucking on his cock, he pulled her into a passionate kiss. He could feel her nipples harden against his chest, and could feel her juices on his leg, she was so wet. He wanted to taste it, so breaking the kiss, he pushed her into the bed and kissed his way down to her pussy. He could smell her juices, sweet, steamy, salty, calling his name. His mouth found her swollen clit and she jumped when he kissed it, she shivered as he licked it and cried out his name as he sucked it into his mouth. He could smell her cum leaking from those perfect lips. He wanted to bath in her cum so planting his mouth over her pussy, he started sucking. Licking and sucking, rubbing her clit with his fingers, she came rough and heavy, flooding his mouth with juice, writhing with desire on the bed.
Now, he was ready to mount her. She was gasping on the bed, he pushed her legs up, his cock painfully hard, she rotated her hips for alignment and gasped when his throbbing cock slid deep into her soaking vagina. She clutched him into her deep, her muscles contracting and pulling him into her, rolling her hips for maximum penetration. He could feel her cum soaking the sheets, as her pressed deep into her. He was glad he had her legs up as she just quivered, muscles spasming. He started thrusting over and over like a machine. She just moaned out his name and she came over and over. Finally, unable to Stace it off any longer, he thrust in deep and released his load. Spent, he laid on the bed beside her. She rolled on top of him and looked him in the eyes.
"I've been waiting forever for you to fuck me." She said. He looked at her, then said, "I was waiting for you to ask. I wanted you to beg." She felt her pussy heat up again. She couldn't hold his gaze, she looked down submissively, he was going to do great.

Man's base desire

Man is a primal creature, driven by base instincts. The need for food, shelter, these needs out weighed the rest. Sleep follows, and then once man has satisfied his basic needs, another will arise. Desire.
Desire. That was a nice way to describe carnal lust. The basest desire of man, sex. The thing that drives us all. It was a thing, living, breathing, on its own. It made the heart pump, the lungs to expand, the skin to flush with desire. There it was again, desire.
Mankind eats because it's hungry, drinks because it's thirsty and sleeps because it's tired. But humans fuck, because it feels good. There is no real way to measure attractiveness. What arouses one individual might turn off another. It could be as simple as a haircut or a smell or as complex as anything else. What makes one attracted to another? He really didn't understand. But he knew he was so ready to fuck that his balls might literally explode.
He looked down at her hair as her mouth closed around his throbbing cock. It felt so warm and good. This is why we have sex, he thought. The pleasure. Her mouth moved up and down his shaft, the tongue playing with his head ever so gently. He knew he shouldn't be here, that he shouldn't be taking advantage of her, but she was so hot and so willing. So very willing, as she slid his entire length into her throat sucking him in deep. He could feel her neck muscles swallowing his cock millimeter by millimeter. He could feel her tongue pulsating under his shaft. He put his hand on her head and shoved every inch of him into her mouth as he could and held her there as he slowly pumped his cock in and out of her throat. He could hear her breath coming ragged, barely able to breath and not able to swallow with his dick in her mouth. He did this for a few seconds more, then shoved it all the way in again, cutting off her ability to breath. He could feel her start to get worried about his intentions. A few seconds longer and she started to struggle a little. He held her head firmly, she then started getting frightened and really begin to try to free herself.
Right before true panic set in, he ripped his cock from her mouth. She gasped in a huge breath of air, glad to be able to breath. It was a short lived freedom, because he quickly shoved a ball gag in her mouth. Smiling, he looked down at her, bound, on her knees, bare with a ball gag in her mouth. She was perfect. It was time to dominate her. To truly show her where she belonged. Without saying anything, he grabbed her neck and sat her head up straight. Looking in her eyes, fee slowly used the pressure on her neck to get her to rise onto her feet. He looked her up and down, get long black hair flowing down her back, the skin pale and pimpled in fear and lust. He looked into her eyes, the fire was there - the desire. She wanted him, she needed him. She felt him inside her when he wasn't, she loved him and needed to be fucked by him. Hard. His gaze continued down her neck line to her full breasts, nipples hard and chiseled. Her bosom moved rapidly, fear and excitement were one for her now. He continued down her body to her pussy, shaved and dripping. He could see her pussy juices dropping to the floor. She needed release.
Pushing her onto the table in front of him, he attached the two handcuffs she wow to the corresponding leg of the table, and then her feet, spreading her out over the table. The dripping from her pussy was a steady stream now, with her lips spread there was nothing to keep it back. She was moaning with desire, her breath shallow and fast, her pussy swollen and deep red. He touched a finger to it and a pool of juice started to collect under her pelvis. He tasted her cum, it was so sweet. She gasped with pleasure.
His cock hurt with anticipation, it was time. Stepping in behind her, he lined his cock up with her pussy and slowly pushed in the head. She came so hard, he could hear it dripping in the floor. She collapsed on the table sweating profusely. It was time. Grabbing her hips, he thrust in as deep as he could go, he felt something tear and she screamed out loud, muffled as it was by the ball gag. He pulled almost all the way out and then slammed in again, and again. Pumping harder and deeper with every thrust, he felt her pussy contract as she came, then release. His legs were soaked with her cum, he had lost count of her orgasims there were so many. Over and over he thrust, like a machine. She was nearly comatose with pleasure, a soaking mess. He felt his load coming, hard and hot. He thrust in deep and came, painting her insides with his spunk.
Spent, he pulled out, wiped off his cock, and undid her restraints and then removed the gag. She lay there in a dream state, legs convulsing uncontrollably. He put his clothes back on quietly, and then turned to leave. She spoke softly, but where he could hear, "please don't leave me, I need that, I need you." He turned, "you always will know where to find me. I'm inside you, I'm in your bloodstream. Listen to your desire and I'll appear and make you cum."
And with that, he left saying, "until you need me again."

Meetings

The anticipation was high,  that was like saying Niagara falls was a little waterfall.  The anticipation was palatable.  You could cut it like a knife.  It was a living, breathing thing with its own ideas.  He took a deep breath.  It was going to be alright.  You don't travel all this way to not go through with it.  It wasn't that hard.  All he had to do was open his mouth.  Hello.  How are you doing?  Five simple words.  Except,  nothing was ever simple for him. 
Sigh.  It wasn't supposed to be like this,  this nerve wracking,  this tense.  It was supposed to be smiles and hellos.  Greetings,  pleasantries.  Nice to meet you.  How are you doing?  But in his mind,  it was all the negatives, all down side.  He could feel the spiral building,  it was so easy now to just step on and ride it down.  Doubt,  self loathing,  depression,  anxiety,  they all lay ahead. 
He took a deep breath.  Calm down.  Breath.  It was her words in his mind.  The way they had been for weeks.  Calming him,  bringing him back to his ground.  How could someone he had never met have this effect on him?  How could he know someone he had never met? Life was full of questions.  Some had answers,  some didn't.  He could ponder the possibilities for decades. They were endless.  Instead,  he focused on the good.  The positive things.  The reason he was here,  the reason he climbed onto a plane to begin with.  She was this reason.  A new chance,  a new hope,  a possibility that he never expected to exist.  It scared him as much as it excited him. 
But all that was the past.  Right now was the future.  Just a few more moments and she would be there.  In the flesh,  right on front of him.  He swallowed hard,  the nervousness wouldn't go away.  Would she like him,  would she smile? Would she laugh,  would she dance? So many questions.  He had no answers,  no plan.  This scared him more.  Fear was trying to conquer him,  to control him again.  But if he still gave in to fear,  he would be back home sitting on the couch.  No,  he was going to win this time. 
He heard the crunch of gravel as she approached.  He had been so lost in his own mind that he had lost track of what was going on.  He looked up,  there she was.  Beautiful,  serene,  here.  He knew he appeared calm,  but that was just a facade.  Inside, his mind was spinning furiously.  What to say,  what to do.  Now was the moment,  now was the time to set the whole tone.  She stopped directly in front of him. Mere inches separated them.  She gazed into his eyes,  expectantly.  He started to speak,  but stopped.  His hand raised on its own accord,  brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.  Then not stopping there,  his hand slid behind her head and pulled her to him.  His mouth found hers,  and then they were kissing.  Deep,  intimate,  completing a connection that he thought only existed in his head. Wrapping his arms around,  still kissing,  he took her weight as he leaned get back.  It was they kind of kissing souls do when meeting their match. 
Finished,  he stood her up,  and whispered gently,  "hello".

On a leash

On a leash

The closer dug into her neck, choking her momentarily. This wasn't how her day was supposed to have gone. They were just going to meet for coffee. A quick meet and greet. Then they could from there. She was still fuzzy on what had happened, but not on the situation she was in. Naked, bound and being led into the woods, no this wasn't right at all.

He had seemed so nice, quiet, attentive, funny, attractive, the kind of guy who was dreamy. A catch for any woman, or so she had thought. Their conversation had been light, fun. She remembered going to the bathroom, coming back, finishing her coffee and then he suggested a walk in the park. She was into him, so why not? That's where things got fuzzy. She remembered walking into the park, but nothing else.

A hard tug on her leash brought feet back to reality. Any other time, she would love to be bound and leashed, but this was scary. She risked raising her eyes to her abductor. It was the same charming guy, except now in the shadows, he seemed harder and more sinister. She didn't look long, the bruises from her earlier spanking reminder her not to look at him. Or escape. She had tried running earlier. She didn't get far before he had caught her. She still could feel the roughness of his pants on her breasts. She shivered, and felt her nipples harden. As scary as it was, he was turning her on.

Suddenly, they came into a clearing in the middle of the woods. The man came to a stop, pulling her leash so that she came to a stop beside him. He turned his head, and looked her up and down. She felt a gush in her loins, and fear in her heart. She was going to die here. He smiled as if he knew what she was thinking. She opened her mouth to scream again, even if he beat her senseless. But he was ready, before she could finish drawing a breath, he was shoving a ball gag into her mouth. Quickly, he fastened it behind her head before she could struggle. Bound, gagged, and completely at his mercy, she really got scared. This was it, she feared.

He started walking again, pulling on her leash, towards the center of the clearing. There lay a fallen tree, about knee height off the ground. It looked like a bench of sorts with an opening between the ground and trunk. Walking straight the trunk, he stopped in front, pulling her beside him again. Turning, he put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her to her knees. Then, using his weight, he pushed her against the trunk and pulled her arms over the top. Undoing the leash, he attached to her hand restraints and then pulled it underneath. Making her stand again, he bent her over the tree and pulled the leash tight, tying her to the tree. Her breasts were sore from the rough bark and hurting. She was bent over and her ass in the air spread open.

Once she was secured, he stood behind her, caressing her ass. She was frightened, and turned on. She wanted to be spanked so bad, wanted him to fuck her so hard, her pussy started leaking. It was what he was waiting for, acceptance.

She heard him unzip his pants, and then heard them fall to the ground. She braced herself for the hard cock that she knew was coming, that she needed to come.

Slap!

The hand connecting with her ass surprised her.

Slap! The hand came again, harder. She came a little, her knees buckling slightly.

Slap! Slap! Slap! Slap!

He was alternating hands, hitting her quickly and hard, stinging, bringing tears to her eyes. Her pussy was pouring juices, her legs were wet. Then, with without any warning, he shoved his hard cock into her. Her pussy tightened around his shaft drawing him deep inside. She came, and came, her legs giving out. She was supported by his cock and the rough tree. It felt so good. He felt so good inside her. God, did she need this. Recovering, she stood and pushed her ass back into him, pushing his cock deeper inside her, saying fuck me, fuck me hard. Take me now.

He responded by pumping her hard. The motion was ripping the gentle skin of her breasts, causing them to bleed. She just bit the gag hard and let him fuck her. She would cum every few minutes, but he just kept thrusting. Finally, when she thought she just couldn't take anymore, he stopped. He pulled his cock from her soaking wet pussy. It was dripping with her juices. He walked around until he was facing her. Slowly, he removed her gag. She understood, she wanted to taste him, her juices on his cock. She wanted his cum in her, mouth or pussy, she needed it. She opened her mouth wide, he slid his cock in, all the way in, to the back of her throat. She gagged a little, then relaxed and opened her mouth wider. He started thrusting, she could his balls tighten, and she started swallowing. He plunged in deep, and blew his load down her throat.

Finished, he stepped back and looked at her. Finally speaking, he asked one question, "are ready to come home with me?"

My current earworm

Bloodshot eyes by trampled by turtles https://youtu.be/7kQC-9Tq-88

Dreams do come true

It had been a long tiring weekend. His family drove him nuts, and he was at a family get together, so there was no escaping. At least he had his own cabin. It was his refuge of peace, an oasis in the chaotic scene that he found himself in.
He had managed to extract himself for the night, claiming he wasn't feeling well. A night alone in his cabin is what he was searching for. Just some peace and quiet. He just got comfortable on the couch when there came a knock at the door. He grumbled to himself, they were still bothering him. For a minute, he considered not answering the door, pretending to be asleep. Then the knock came again, more incessant.
Sighing, he got up to answer the door. It was probably his nephew, the lad was always running around. Opening the door, her couldn't believe what he was seeing. She was there, in the flesh.  It was a dream come true. How many nights had he lain there, missing her touch? Wishing he could hold her, kiss her, tell her how much he loved her? It was unreal, he must be dreaming. That was it, fee had fallen asleep on the couch and was now dreaming.
As if she could sense his thoughts, like she was wont to do, she said, "yes, I'm really here", and walked inside, shutting the door behind her. He stared at her dumbfounded. Could she really be here? As she sat on the couch, he stumbled around to face her.
Opening his mouth to speak, she cut him off. She had a limited amount of time and it wasn't going to be spent conversing. He sat down beside her name, still trying to find the words. She kissed him hard, he lost his mind, tearing off her clothes in an effort to get her naked. His dreams coming true.
Half an hour later or more, he rolled over, smoked at her, and said, "hello. "

Words without meaning

I write a hundred things a day in my head,  but when I sit down nothing, nothing comes forth.  When I do write,  I fall asleep and erase it the next day because it's gibberish. 
I have the same conversation a hundred times.  I explain why I left,  I explain my silence.  But it's only to myself,  I've left sanity far behind. 
And life moves on,  and I become a distant memory. 
Now for sleep,  it's going to be a  busy week. 

No hope left

Im in paradise, and yet I'm unhappy. There's something wrong with me. There is no happiness left in my soul. Just moments of smiles. I wish I was a better person. I wish there wasn't something wrong with me. I wish I could be normal. I wish I was human.

Down the drain

The water cascaded down his face,  pouring through his hair,  trickling past eyes,  waterfalling off his nose and getting lost with the rest of the water falling to the floor.  For a moment,  he let the water flow through his mouth washing him clean.  The water was hot enough to create some steam, giving him the feeling that he was floating in the clouds.  He so wanted to get lost right now.
The shower poured down on him, but he would never be washed clean of his guilt. Some things haunt you forever. All his life, he had lived to the fullest, enjoying every minute, having no regrets. Until he met her. She changed everything. Every rule broken, every taboo revealed. Within such a short time, he knew her inside and out, like she was a part of him. He had never intended to let anyone in, but before he knew it age has taken up residence in his soul. A part of him.
He watched the water run down his arms, the water distorting the tattoos slightly. He wondered, briefly, if his love for tattoos were in some way his repentance for how he had behaved. Even distorted he could make out the skeleton key and lock. His heart on his sleeve. Such an apt metaphor.
He sighed deeply, the water was never going to wash away his guilt. The guilt of leaving, the guilt of loving, the guilt of longing, it ate his soul, drove him mad with desire, and never went away. Maybe that was why he was the way he was, messed up in the head, maybe it was all someone else's fault.
He smiled wryly, if only that were true. But he couldn't blame anyone other than himself for the choices he has made. Right or wrong, it was a choice. And he stood by it. Even when the longing drove him mad.
He turned off the water, it was doing no good anymore, he would never get the filth from inside out of him. He was cursed in that regards, damaged goods. The water flowed down his skin to the floor, and he just stood there watching it all drain away.
For some reason, he felt there should be some moral here, some heart wrenching decision, something. Maybe someone would burst into the bathroom and attack him. Nothing. The water was gone and he was empty again. But that was just the way life was.

Duty

There's a saying,  duty is heavier than a mountain,  death lighter than a feather.  So true.  So very true.  Life is changing constantly,  sometimes good,  sometimes bad, but the status quo rarely lasts for long.
So many responsibilities.  I'm not sure what happened,  how it got to be this way.  I used to believe being single meant you were free to go where you wanted when you wanted.  But my bills and debts speak otherwise.  Car note, hopefully soon to be house note,  student loans, etc etc.  Bills that must be paid.  Someone recently offered me a chance to move to Belize in two years.  I don't think I could leave the country simply because of the amount of debt that I'm in.  Choices.  My choices have led me here. 
I know I shouldn't be writing this.  I can't discuss anything in the open anymore.  Too many of the wrong type paying attention to my inner thoughts.
I'm dozing to sleep,  so I'll with this.  It's the little things that let me know. It's not the smile on your face,  or anything that people would notice.  But I do.  The fleur-de-lis,  symbols.  They connect us even through death.  Once a part of my bloodstream,  always a part of my bloodstream.  Gone but never forgotten.  How could i?

Escape

No matter how far you run,  how fast,  or how long, you can never escape the desire inside. 
I am the hulk.  I want to smash things. Because I hurt. 

Because I am alone. 

Because you aren't here. 

Never escaping.  Always running.

I'm tired.