Oblivion

I just want to mix a gin
And sink into oblivion.
Smoke fogs my day,
I don't know any other way.

I wish things were different
I wish I could care.
The walls are high by choice,
No reason to fear.

To preserve my sanity,
I walk away from what I love.
To continue this life,
Is more than I can give.

I wish this were easy,
A nod of the head,
A silent yes.
Silence speaks volumes.

What I want doesn't exist,
I wish for love,
And only met,
With sadness.

Life was never supposed to be easy,
No one ever told me it would be this hard.
The things I don't say,
Eat at my soul.

It's a game with no winner,
A problem with no solution.
Just one way out,
And a long walk away.

I can never be what you want,
You can never be there.
Day after day, it's just the same,
Until the argument begins anew.

To walk away isn't easy,
I want it too bad, I desire it too much.
But what can never be
Destroys what I am.

Better to forget and let memory fade,
Maybe I won't deal with this pain everyday.
The choice was made long ago,
It's in every decision you make. 

I am here alone.
This tells me all I need.
Some things,
Were just never meant to be.