Rowboat of life

The oars creaked as he rowed. It was the only sound beside the slap of the waves against his boat. It was a small boat, just a rowboat really. A small boat that had no business being this far out at sea. One rogue Wave and that was the end of this little adventure and possibly him.
He could see the town in the distance. He still wasn't far enough, but then nothing was ever far enough to get away from the torture in his soul. That was the reality that confronted him every single day, no matter how far he ran, or how quickly he tried to escape, he always failed. You can't run from your own nature is what he finally realized.
That was the conclusion he had come too. You can't outrun what and who you are. You can't outrun your heart or your desires. They are part of you and what makes you unique.
He didn't want to be a unique snowflake. He wanted anonymity, he wanted to go through the day without desiring her. Without missing her company. Her charm, her wit. He just wanted a day of peace.
Pulling the oars into the boat, he sat back and listened. This far out to sea, only the sounds of the ocean were present. The current was pulling him deeper to sea. He was OK with this, just letting nature dictate his path.
The fog was thickening, and with it muffling sounds. Soon he was floating in a foggy void. He could no longer see the town, no longer hear the waves. It was silent.
Silence that was broken as he moved his foot. The chain tired around his ankle clinked as it drug along the bottom of the boat. His eyes moved you the chain in the dim light of his lantern, eventually resting upon the weight tied to the other end. All he had to was pick up the weight and jump. Nature would take care of the rest. He wondered if he would feel much. He assumed it would hurt to die, but now he wondered.
He knew these were other alternatives. He knew this wasn't the only path available to him. He knew lots of things. He knew he loved her. He knew she only cared for him. The distinction was huge. But inconsequential. For no matter how much she cared for him, she didn't want to be with him. And that hurt the worst.
He lifted the weight, it was heavy. He hoped it would be heavy enough to pull him down. He wasn't sure of the math, it wasn't like this is something you could practice. He just needed enough weight to pull him down under the water. Nature would do the rest.
He sat down in the boat. He knew it was almost time. At least this way, she could live a normal life. One that didn't involve him. He was diseased and cursed, no one was safe around him. He knew he wouldn't be missed for long, maybe not even at all. He looked over the side of the boat. It was time.