Lust

He stared at her longingly across the room. It had been months since they last spoke. She had told him then that she never wanted to see him again. And while it had broken him, he loved her so much he gave her what she wanted.

In all those months, he had never called, never wrote, no e-mails. Nothing. He ached every day to know her touch again, to hear her voice again, to hold her in his arms and look deep into her eyes. She wouldn't have to say a word, the love would either be there, or it wouldn't. It would answer all his questions. He just knew it.

But it wasn't meant to be. She never tried to get in touch with him, and while his passion never dissipated, time had numbed its hold on him. He had started moving on with his life, but he could never forget. There were many nights when he would wake calling her name. But she was never there to comfort him.

And so life went, the months had gone on forever it seemed. Then a casual invite to a party, a friendly gesture by a co-worker and there she was. His angel, his mistress, the object of his desires, right there before him. But out of touch.

Of course he could say nothing to her. What was there to say? "I miss you. I need you"? She wouldn't even make eye contact. If he stared any longer at her, it would be noticed and commented on. You didn't look at someones wife with that kind of intensity. It started trouble that he didn't need.

A waiter walked by with glasses of champagne. He grabbed two, downing the first, he started looking around. He had known this party was a bad idea, but he acquiesced to his co-workers repeated invitation. Over the last few months he had withdrawn into himself. He just didn't feel like part of the world anymore. He knew something was missing. But didn't know how to fix it. The obvious solution to him simply wasn't a solution at all, and just would create hundreds more problems.

Finding no one else that he knew in the crowd, he moved to the balcony. He needed some air. He wanted to leave, but to do so this early, and without speaking to his co-worker (the host), would just be a rudeness he would never stand in himself. Tortured, he fled outside to gather himself and pass a few minutes. He was hoping she would move away to another room, or leave, he didn't care which, but her mere presence was distracting him to no end.

As he crossed the room, he could feel her eyes following him like laser beams. He emerged outside and went immediately to the railing, setting his drink down on a table as he passed. He simply couldn't breathe. Grasping hold of the railing with one hand, he pulled his tie loose with the other. He was shaking, he couldn't believe the effect she had on him. Months, almost a year since he had touched her, and she was causing him to have an anxiety attack.

Putting both hands on the railing, he leaned forwards taking in gulping deep breaths, From behind him, he heard, "Really? You would jump just at the sight of me? Do I cause you that much disgust?" Her voice froze him in place. "Surely this was a dream. This couldn't be happening." he thought. His heart was thundering in his ears. He had the idle thought that "this was it, this is how I go".

Before he could gather himself to answer, she spoke again, this time in a low voice where only he could hear her, "No, love, this is no dream. I am no ghost. I am here, right now. Turn around and look me in the eyes, and you will know." 

Slowly he turned, she was standing inches from him, her face so close that he was staring directly into her eyes. He could see the tears streaming down her face, the mascara running. He opened his mouth to greet her, but before he could she shushed him with her finger. 

Once silent, she spoke again, this time in a barely audible whisper. "The day you left, my heart died. I realized my mistake shortly after you walked out the door. I longed for you to call, to write, to return. I knew you would. But you didn't. I have been living every day with the loss of you. As the months went by, I figured I would never see you again. But my friend Vivine invited me to this party, basically dragged me here. I didn't understand why until I saw you walk in the door."

He reached up and gently wiped the tears from her face, but said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "I couldn't breath when I saw you. My whole world stopped. It all came crashing down. I don't know what to do, my life is so messed up..." she trailed off, words failing her, the emotion inside was so strong.

He smiled, and spoke gently. "Tonight is tonight, tomorrow is tomorrow. Let us live tonight for tonight and tomorrow will wait until tomorrow." And with that, he lifted her chin and kissed her so deeply.